#260 | Be A Good Friend To Yourself

You can spot the right move for your best friend in seconds, but when it’s your own life, the same problem suddenly turns into a spiral. That disconnect is exactly what we’re tackling here, with one core idea that’s simple to say and surprisingly hard to live: be a good friend to yourself.

I share why this has become the biggest piece of advice I’ve leaned on lately, especially after walking through a rough first half of the year and the emotional aftershocks of a long-term relationship ending. When you’re hurt, it’s easy to slip into anxious cycles, replay every detail, and take on responsibility that was never yours to carry. We talk about the moment therapy called that out clearly and the shift that followed: stop expecting yourself to do the work of two people, then punishing yourself when you burn out.

From there, we make it practical. I lay out the “zoom out” questions that help me reset in real time: Would I tell my friend this? If my friend said this thought out loud, what would I say back? Those prompts can interrupt negative self talk, reduce social media comparison, and create a more grounded, resilient state of mind. We also dig into the boundary behind it all: don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

If you want a cleaner mindset, stronger self-worth, and a healthier way to move through hard seasons, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win.

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Transcript

Welcome And The Show’s Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to Win Today. This show is crafted for those who want to win in every aspect of their lives. Every week, you will learn from a renowned thought leader that will share a piece of a winning playbook that you can incorporate into your life. If this show has a positive impact on you and you see value in it, please share it with somebody and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win.

Why We Ignore Our Own Advice

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Why is it that it's so easy to give advice to your best friends, your family members, your coworkers and colleagues, and not take it yourself? Isn't it interesting that we can so easily tell somebody that means something to us or that is working alongside us something that they can do to benefit their life that would be so simple, yet we don't take that same advice ourselves. Why is that? It's something that I've been ruminating on quite a bit.

The Practice Of Being Self-Friendly

SPEAKER_00 1:12

In recent discussions with my therapists and coaches, this concept of being a good friend to yourself, which was part of the podcast interview last week with Jonathan Cohen on Inside the Inspired, has really consumed my mind and has been probably the biggest piece of advice that I've been giving people over the last probably eight weeks. If there's one thing that I want you to do for the rest of this year, as we're halfway through the year, it's to be a good friend to yourself. What does that simply mean? If there's things that you're going on in life right now that you're dealing with, whether it's getting through a breakup, whether it's a tough season at work, whether it's battling through some non-useful thoughts and beliefs, I want you to zoom out and give yourself the same advice that you would give your best friend if they were sharing that exact problem that you have right now or that exact opportunity that you have right now with you. And take that advice. Because I'd be willing to bet that if someone came to you right now and said that they were really struggling with beating themselves up and comparing themselves to other people they see on social media, and they have a tough time, they're having a tough time with their self-worth right now. You would A flip that narrative because A it's not true, you would empathize with them, you would share all the things with them that in your eyes makes them so awesome to you and to this world and pump them up and help show them all of the goodness and the potential that they hold. You would have no problem doing that. Yet, if it was just you by yourself, you may be the person, just as I have, that will justify those negative beliefs, that will beat yourself up, put yourself in a corner, run with those thoughts and beliefs as if they're true, and be a terrible friend to yourself. So this is all about how to be a good friend to you for the rest of the year. And this one is purely from the heart. I typically have a lot of prepared remarks and flow and structure for every time I'm behind the mic, and this time I decided to let it go from the heart and share what's been working well and where when and where this really comes up most for me.

A Breakup And Anxious Self-Blame

SPEAKER_00 4:43

So one thing that I've been sharing now over the last few weeks, but this first half of the year was quite rough for me, and that ended a long-term relationship, and that has really consumed my mind at the beginning of the year, around March, April. I really felt emotionally and mentally shattered, not shattered, but shaken, very much shaken, and I was hurt deeply. And I wasn't being a good friend to myself. I was going back into anxious cycles, keeping myself up, wondering how to turn things around and blaming myself for everything that had been taking place, and a lot of things were going on. But what you just heard there was a lot of blame to myself, accepting responsibility of two people versus one, and a lot of creating scenarios that just weren't real, so a flaw to myself as well. And in all of those blame-shifting moments and spending hours and nights and days reflecting, sometimes staring at walls, telling myself things that I would never tell another person if they were in the same scenario.

Therapy Reframe And The Two-Person Load

SPEAKER_00 6:46

I sat back and really started to do some homework on myself and peel back the layers as to why are we having these feelings? Why are we having these thoughts? What is what is the driving force behind them? And then went into therapy and my therapist, I love him to death, he pointed out to me, said, So you're telling me that you expected to do the work of two people and then pretend like that was gonna all work out for itself and you weren't gonna get exhausted and tired and beat up. Right? You're telling me that? I sat there. I was like, hmm, well, I guess that's that's not a good route to take. He said, Well, no, no dip, Sherlock. I said, Alright, well, would you tell your best friend to do that? Well, of course not. Well, why not? Well, because I love my best friend, and I would not tell him to put everything on him and take it all upon himself to write the ship and feel all the feelings that he's having. You know, I'd probably tell him, hey, you need to you need to go. And he said, Great. So you would be a good friend to him, but not a good friend to you.

The Zoom-Out Questions To Use Daily

SPEAKER_00 8:32

And so now when I think about life, I think about removing myself from the equation at times, just like we've talked about on this podcast a lot, the best way and easiest way to understand yourself and what's going on is to zoom out, slow down, ask yourself some questions. I sat and now I've programmed in my mind whenever these thoughts come to pay me a visit because they pay everybody a visit. I have that almost instant reminder now. Am I being a good friend? Would I tell my friend this? Where would if my friend shared this thought with me, what would I tell him or her right now? And that has played a big role in creating a more positive state of mind, pushing through tough stuff, and being the person that you would want to have on the other side if you're approaching them with whatever thing you're going through right now. So now what's programmed in my mind and what I wish that you program in your mind is when you're going through something difficult, when you're having a thought, when you're going through a situation, if you presented that very thing that you are holding on to right now to somebody else, if they presented it to you, what would you tell them? How would you handle it and be a good friend to them? Give yourself that opportunity. Grant yourself the space and the permission to not just be a good friend to others, but to be a good friend to yourself.

Permission, Priorities, And Self-Care

SPEAKER_00 10:33

It's so easy to go through life and attempt to be everything for everybody else and not realize that you're being nothing for yourself. One of my favorite quotes is don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Meaning, my friends, you've got to take care of yourself and prioritize you just as much as the friends that you love, so that you can ultimately show up as your best self and be your best self for you, and to be an even better friend to the people you love. So to be a better friend, to be a better lover, everything, be that to yourself first and win today. Thank you.