#254 | How To Influence People Without Teaching Them

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Transcript

Welcome And Quick Listener Ask

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to Win Today. This show is crafted for those who want to win in every aspect of their lives. Every week you will learn from a renowned thought leader that will share a piece of a winning playbook that you can incorporate into your life. If this show has a positive impact on you and you see value in it, please share it with somebody and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win.

Influence Without A Title

SPEAKER_00 0:27

How to be a person of influence. Is it something that requires a title, certain level of expertise, knowledge, followers, any of those things? The answer is no. Although expertise could feed some of it. But everybody has the opportunity. You are rather a person of influence. And it's through your being. One thing that I've been doing a lot of lately is speaking to a lot of leadership cohorts and of upcoming leaders and folks that are new into leadership roles, and then also through my mastermind community, I've been spending a lot of time teaching people how to be more effective leaders. And leader is also not defined by a title. But one of the things that comes up quite frequently in these sessions or spending time with people are questions about how to how do you get people to do a certain thing? How can you inspire somebody to be more present, to be more engaging? How can you get people to follow up more? How can you get people to do whatever the case may be? It's probably a thought that runs through your mind as well. Is how do you get somebody to do X, Y, and Z? And what book do you need to read? What podcast do you need to listen to? How come some people can can make other people do certain things, and it just feels like you can't get people to turn the corner? Maybe you don't believe that you have that ability.

Feelings And Behaviors Are Caught

SPEAKER_00 2:24

This is all about how to teach without quote teaching. You can teach someone to do something without actually teaching them to do it. Meaning, you don't have to give a step-by-step guide, a long speech. And here's how you can do it. Before we jump into that, here's the preface, here's the genesis of this. One of my favorite speakers and authors is Ed Milet. Ed and I share a very similar background in that he also has an alcoholic father and has broken a generational curse in his family. And he talks about the power of one more. We're often one more or one decision away, one interaction away, one phone call away from the life that we ultimately desire. We are one decision away from stopping the thing that is holding us back and not doing it again. We are one person away from creating abundance and perhaps love that you've always dreamed of. One of the things that he shared is this line feelings and behaviors are caught, not taught. I'm gonna say that again. So he references this example with his often with his father, in that his dad was somebody was a was an alcoholic, a drunk, and Ed lived in the middle of all of that and really wanted to break the pattern. Well, where did Ed's dad get that from? His dad. Did Ed's dad teach him to be an alcoholic? No. But what did Ed see? What did Ed's father see in this case? Alcoholism, drinking as a coping mechanism, etc. So what did that then turn Ed's house to into, similar to the house that I grew up into, a home of chaos because that feeling and behavior, the behavior of drinking and then violence and abuse follows all of those things, and all of that was caught. So now when we think about how to make a difference, what feelings and behaviors are you allowing others to catch?

The Wildfire Story That Proves It

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Here's a funny story, and this is the one that I love to set to tell when I'm speaking to groups about how feelings and behaviors are caught, not taught. So some of you may be familiar with the song The Roof Is on Fire, and if you know the lyrics, it the the chorus, it says the the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the mother furn. And my dad growing up, he would let me listen to music that my mom did not approve of, so long as I didn't tell her that we were listening to that music and wrap my dad out. And he would also let me ride in the front seat of his Camaro Z28. So it was actually you know a pretty cool memory looking back that got to ride with my dad to work a lot to the restaurant in the in the Camaro Z28, and we'd had the roof off, and we were were jamming out to the Bloodhound gang, who they sung they sing a lot of funny songs and songs with lyrics that kids shouldn't hear. But again, we had an agreement, and that's where I kind of developed this love for music was was riding with my dad, and he loved singing in the car just like I do. So that was that was caught, not taught. He didn't teach me, Ryan. Here's how you sing in the car. So in because in Southern California, it's not uncommon for there to be wildfires. So just like here in the South, where we have hurricanes, occasional evacuations. In California, we have the wildfires, and there's occasional evacuations because fires will come rolling down the mountainside, and for folks to be safe, the city often will tell people, hey, you you've got to get going. We don't know if we're gonna be able to stop this fire. So one day we're at the restaurant and there's a fire coming down the mountain, and to the point to where it's actually pretty close to the restaurant, and the firefighters are evacuating everybody. My mom is grabbing my sister and I to run and get out as quickly as possible. And I'm staring at the roof at this group of firefighters that are on the roof, and my mom is saying, Ryan, come on, come on, come on. And I said, Mom, I pointed to the firefighters on the roof. I said, Mom, what about the mother effers on the roof? Now just imagine this little five foot one Colombian woman hearing her, I was probably seven years old, six-year-old, seven-year-old son pop off a MF bomb right there in the parking lot in front of a bunch of people running out of a restaurant. And then guess who is right next to me? Is my dad. Guess who my mom is looking at after I share the lyrics of the song that I've not supposed to be listening to? My dad. Did my dad teach me to sing that song and recite the lyrics in public? No. Feelings and behaviors are caught, not taught.

How Leaders Teach Without Teaching

SPEAKER_00 8:41

So when we think about being a person of influence, if you want people to be more welcoming, especially if you lead a team and you want your team to be more welcoming, you want your team to follow up with people more, then you better be the example day in and day out, the living example that reinforces your word. You must be the most welcoming person and show the follow-up game better than anybody else. You must be a master of the follow-up game, just in this particular instance, if that's what you want people to do. A lot of folks have their eyes on others. What are they doing? What are they saying? How are they reacting to certain things? There may be more eyes on you than you could possibly imagine. And you, yes, you have the power to emulate whatever it is that you want somebody else to give off. Does it mean that if you walk into the office tomorrow and you're super welcoming and you smile on your face, that every single person is going to do it, or that it's going to instantaneously take effect, that everybody's going to catch this behavior? No. On the flip side of that, the more consistent that you are in embodying these things, and the more that you show it from a genuine point of view, meaning it's not force, it's it's coming off as this is who I this is who I am, and this is who I want others to what I want others to to resemble, then boom. All it takes is one person, and you might be the catalyst for the one person that unlocks two more people and three more people and four more people. Changing the world and making an influence on our community, our workforce, etc., starts with you. Be the change that you want to see. If you want to teach people how to be a certain way, how to do a certain thing, the best and easiest way to see that through is to be it yourself. There's no better way to learn than by giving somebody the opportunity to emulate what it is that you are doing. Because that doesn't require a textbook, it doesn't require a podcast, it doesn't require these five steps. Show them the way. So as we think about how to be a vessel and a positive influence, think about what feelings and behaviors are you allowing others to catch. And does that align with the environment, the image, and the world ultimately that you want to create? Because we are all creators in this world. We are you are the creator of your own life, you're the author, you're the designer. What do you want it to look like? What do you want those around you to become? Then on and opposite to that, who think about who you're being. That's also who you're going to attract as well. So I appreciate you.

Create The Culture You Want

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Think about what you're allowing people to catch, and remember, be mindful of the songs that you're singing around the young ones, too. Feelings and behaviors are taught, not taught. Be a person of influence and win today.