Win Today
Win Today is a performance enhancing podcast filled with actionable insights and inspiration to come out on top in life. Through captivating interviews and solo episodes, a powerful tool is created and given to listeners to be able to push through any situation in life.
Hosted by Ryan Cass, he delivers messages that align to his purpose of helping people establish a foundation for sustained success, break trends of adversity, and chart desirable courses for life. Win Today!
Win Today
# 199 | Paralyzed To Powerful: Lessons From A Quadriplegic's Journey Ft. Rob Paylor
At 19, Rob Paylor was paralyzed during a championship rugby match. Doctors told him he'd never move again. He chose to fight.
This episode is about resilience, mindset, and the decision to forgive the unforgivable. Rob’s story will challenge your limits—and maybe change your life.
🔑 3 Reasons to Tune In:
- The mindset shift that helped Rob go from zero movement to walking again
- How he used forgiveness as a tool for emotional freedom
- The 15 tools from his book Paralyzed to Powerful that anyone can apply to their own challenges
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
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And then I just felt this god-awful crunch in my neck and then just poof, can't move anything, can't feel anything, totally clear and conscious in my mind of what's going on, just as clear and conscious as I am right now, but 100% numb and motionless from my collarbone down, and in an instant I knew that I broke my neck, that this was really bad and there was like a 99.9% chance that my life had just completely changed, that I was in my worst nightmare and I was not going to wake up from it.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Wednesday podcast, a weekly resource thoughtfully crafted to help people build and refine discipline, accomplish their goals, fortify their mindsets and be of service to somebody in this world. My name is Ryan Cass and I am your host, and it is my mission and commitment to deliver amazing episodes to you every week where you'll learn from myself or renowned expert in their field. We love helping people win in every aspect of their lives, and you can help us win by sharing the show with somebody that you believe will benefit from it, subscribing and leaving a rating and review. We believe that everybody in this world is meant to do something great with their lives, and we're here to help play a role in that. Thank you for tuning in and let's win today.
Speaker 2:Imagine your life transforming in a single moment that you would have never predicted. Imagine living life walk into the store today, walking back to your home, to then, the next day, those simple liberties are completely stripped from you. What would you do? What would life look like? Would you be able to see it as a blessing and eventually inspire people, or would you be upset for the rest of your life? Imagine your life being transformed in a single moment to then that being the catalyst to changing countless lives all over the world and serving as an inspiration to those to take full advantage of life, no matter what happens to you. And that's what we're about to learn with our amazing guest, rob Paylor today, whose life changed in an instant and now he gets to inspire people all over the world to embrace the small victories. To embrace the small victories, to embrace everything for what is? To take full advantage of our presence here on this beautiful earth. Rob, welcome man.
Speaker 1:Ryan, thank you for having me and the audio. Only people can't see it, but I'm blushing as red as a tomato from that intro. You got me fired up Very excited.
Speaker 2:As red as a tomato. From that intro you got me fired up, Very excited, Stoked to be with you Now before we get in your story and really dig into the influence that you have on people around the world and to really take full advantage of their lives. What's the most important thing that we should know about you? That we might not read about you on a piece of paper.
Speaker 1:Good one. You know, I think the thing that is really like my strongest foundation is my faith, and it's something that's always been a part of who I am and has certainly changed over these last eight years since my injury happened, and it's something that just it gives me purpose in my life, it gives me meaning in my life and through all these crazy challenges I've been through, and just the immensity of the ways in which my life has changed has shown me that my challenges aren't for nothing, that all this hardship I'm going through is not meaningless, that it's rooted in purpose and there's a plan going on here and I might not know what's going on, but it's going to something good and it's been that trust and that faith that's really helped me go in here. So that's something that's just it's really foundational to who I am and it's helped me through everything I've gone through.
Speaker 2:Did you ever question your faith after May 6th 2017? You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:It matured a lot because I'm Christian and I was always taught that God had a plan for my life. I thought that plan was good and then, you know, we're going to go into it more, of course. But my life gets turned completely upside down. I go from being D1 athlete, national championship competitor, to I can't feed myself, I can't breathe, I can't go to the bathroom by myself and I might not ever be able to again, if I even survive through this. And I'm thinking about that plan and I'm like if this is a part of some plan, it's kind of messed up. I don't know what's going on here, um, but I always had trust in that that like I have no control. Right now I have no control over my body and my outcomes. Really, the only thing that I still have here is that faith and that trust in that plan. So I stuck with it. But it's interesting At first I kind of like I was so on board that I thought like God destined me to get hurt and I was talking with like a spiritual director and I was kind of okay with that.
Speaker 1:I was like I could already see like some of the fruits really like being developed from this and the impact it was making on other people's lives. Talking to my spiritual director, saying, like you know, I know this was, like you know God wanted this to happen to me. And he's like stop, god did not break your neck. There was a person on that field who broke the laws of the game. He has free will and he broke your neck. But your strength, your fortitude that you're gaining from this, the inspiration that is providing to others, that's God and that really helped me to mature, to be, to live out.
Speaker 1:Strong faith Isn't just to like take the easy road and everything that you do. It's. It's really the opposite. It's to embrace your sufferings for the good of others. And it really helped me flip that perspective of suffering being for something oh my gosh, avoid that at all costs to be something like. It's not going to be easy, but there's a gift within that for you and for others. So there was like that maturity process that really came in my faith from all this and this just changed the way I really see the world and the role that suffering has in our lives.
Speaker 2:I love what you say about seeing the gift that it delivers and I believe it does take strong faith to be able to see that on the other side of a moment or a circumstance or a series of events, there is always a either better version of yourself or a series of better outcomes that you would have never imagined, or a then an inspiring story. But really the the root of that. If you don't have strong, if you don't possess a strong mindset and that sense of core values, then one may always see a negative event as simply that, or a negative circumstance as simply that, and not be able to see and experience the abundance of gifts that life delivers. Before we started why all of this exists and some of the things I saw growing up in California best gifts I could have ever received in this life that just aren't packaged they're just packaged a little bit differently.
Speaker 2:So what's your take on helping people identify the gifts that life packages a little bit differently for us?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting. I mean, I think it's almost like cliche. Identifying those gifts it's like no pain, no gain. You know those kinds of little sayings and stuff. Gifts it's like no pain, no gain. You know those those kinds of little sayings and stuff.
Speaker 1:Um, there's, there's truth in that, and if we wake up every day and go to sleep, put our pillow, our head on the pillow, and think like I didn't do anything to challenge myself today, um, you really didn't grow and and you didn't like receive gifts, those gifts of that day if all you're doing is just kind of like living for comfort and living for yourself, um, I think it's good to think of those things in which we do want to grow and it is good for that to benefit ourselves. I do Like we shouldn't completely ignore that. But I think the biggest reason we should be doing it is in service of others. And if we can take on a challenge, discomfort, growth in our lives for the service of others, it's going to endure, it's going to hold us more accountable, because it's not like the only person who's allowing us to say, not, today, I'm good, I'm going to take a rest is just our own internal dialogue. We're really responsible to people or to a mission that's bigger than ourselves to people or to a mission that's bigger than ourselves.
Speaker 1:Here I am today, on day 2,886 after my injury, battling quadriplegia. I continue to go each day, not just so I can go from point A to point B on my feet, but so that I can provide inspiration to others, help them overcome their challenges. It gives me so much to where it's just I can't quit and I won't quit because I have this big commitment in our lives. So I think it's finding those two critical factors of it must be uncomfortable and it must serve others is how we identify those gifts that might be found and struggle.
Speaker 2:Let's rewind the clock 2,886 days from today. It's May 6th 2017. You're a D1 athlete at Cal playing rugby the sport that you love and your life changes in an instant. Walk us through that.
Speaker 1:Such a huge day and I was thinking about this this morning, actually just like how certain days have certain significances you know birthdays, anniversaries, stuff like that and it's just amazing how much my life changed on this day. And, like you said, d1 athlete, uc Berkeley rugby player. Just to give people some context, uc Berkeley is by far the number one rugby program in the nation. At the time we're fighting for our 31st national championship, with the tournament only being around for about 45 years. So you can look at any team at any level in America and I think the only team that has more hardware than us in any sport is the Harlem Globetrotters and their games are rigged. So, like we're doing pretty good. I'm excited. I'm starting. I'm a sophomore. This wasn't an easy or common thing to do, to be starting on a team like this in a game like this as a sophomore. So I absolutely love this game. I love this university. I'm getting into the business school there, got my dreams after that. It was just a really good time to be me and I knew that. I was very grateful for it.
Speaker 1:And it was early on in this game that I'm competing in a mall, which is when the big guys we group up in a single unit and we start pushing to advance, the ball. Defense's job is to come straight in and stop us from moving forward. It's kind of like in football when a running back gets stood up and the lineman moved the pile, like that we're just a little more organized about it. And it was totally my moment. I mean six, five at the time, like 245 pounds. I'm just on this field to move bodies and we're five meters out from scoring this thing. I'm like drooling here, thinking let's go rob, drive this thing in. And then as I'm doing that, these opposing players, they start making these illegal moves and referee's not calling anything. So I remember we're in a line out, I bring the ball carrier down, I throw my, my shoulders forward and immediately I get pressure from the side, which is a penalty in rugby, can't do that or the ref's not calling it. So you know things happen in rugby and you just got to keep moving forward. But this first player who comes in, he finds my head in a headlock so he's got my chin kind of pinned down to my chest and in rugby that's an automatic yellow or red card. You do that, you're gone, but the ref's not calling it, and I keep pushing forward. I keep just kind of moving my legs and another player comes in and he chops me down by my legs. So I start going down and this arm lock that's around my neck it continues to improve. I'm just muscles flexing in the form. I'm trying to fight upwards but I just can't. It's a it's a losing battle.
Speaker 1:And I remember I just kind of closed my eyes, I gripped my teeth for impact and then I just felt this God awful crunch in my neck and then just poof, can't move anything, can't feel anything. Totally clear and conscious in my mind of what's going on, just as clear and conscious as I am right now, but 100% numb and motionless from my collarbone down. And in an instant I knew that I broke my neck, that this was really bad and there was like a 99.9% chance that my life had just completely changed, that I was in my worst nightmare and I was not going to wake up from it Because I had no contact sports. These things happen. They're not common, but they happen. I remember I was like're not common, but they happen.
Speaker 1:I remember I was like thinking back to stories that I'd seen, like this the one I thought of the time was Eric LeGrand, and Eric was a Rutgers football player and he was on special teams cervical spinal cord injury, paralyzed, and I mean this guy's got the heart of a warrior. I mean, he's amazing and he's gotten a lot more progress back than he was supposed to, but he's a quadriplegic and he's in a chair and he needed to be on a vent for some time just so he could breathe. And I've started thinking like that's going to be me, like I might not even get as far as he did. And I just envisioned this reality where I'm going to just sit in a house all day. I won't go back to Cal, I won't get my degree. I want to have a job. Nobody's going to want to marry me I mean, who would want to marry this? And my mom's just going to spoon feed me and then she's going to die and then I'm going to have some caregiver just keep me alive and my life's over.
Speaker 1:And this all unfolds in a few seconds, playing out of my head Medical trainers, doctors come over. They're saying, robert, can you move this, can you feel anything? And my answer is just no, nothing. Get over to the hospital. X-ray, ct scan, mri. They cut my jersey off my body. It's up in my house in the room, actually now stitched together, and my doctor comes back. He's got a bad look on his face and very frankly he says, robert, you will never walk again, you will never move your hands. We're going to do our best so that one day you can do something like pick up a piece of pizza and bring it to your face. And if you can do that, you made it. If you can just feed yourself, you beat all the odds.
Speaker 1:So I'm sitting here in a hospital bed, can't move or feel anything below my neck, and that morning I thought it was going to be the best day of my life, the day I become a national champion. And now I don't even know if it's going to be my last day or not. And in that moment I didn't have a lot of choices. But I knew one thing, and that's that I just had to give everything. I have to get everything I can get out of this injury.
Speaker 1:And my doctor finishes the conversation by recommending I go into emergency spinal fusion surgery. He explains that the disc in between my C5-6 vertebrae ruptured into my spinal cord and I had fracturing at my C4-5-6 vertebrae and the damage would only continue unless we really stabilize this region. So spinal fusion surgery is number one. Number two was a halo drilled into my skull to try and get my spine to set and heal, and he told me this was a potentially life-threatening surgery and I had about 30 minutes to decide whether or not I wanted to go into this thing, because time was pretty critical at this point.
Speaker 1:So first phone call I make is to my um spiritual director same guy I was talking about earlier and I tell him about what happened and I want him to send a priest over before I go into the surgery. And he gives me this amazing advice that just gave me so much power in what was a powerless situation. And he said, robert, throughout this journey there's gonna be a lot of things that you can't control, but the one thing you always have control over is your mindset. So your positivity, your ambition, your willingness to take on this challenge every day and fight is up to you, and this injury can't take that away from you. And that just it gave me something I could focus on and something I could control, because I had.
Speaker 1:I didn't have the odds on my side. I did not have some doctors saying that everything was going to be okay. I had no signs of life showing back up in my body, but I had my mindset and I had that decision that we all have at every second of our lives to just keep moving forward. So that gave me a lot of confidence to go into the surgery. That I can block out that emotion and that anxiety in the moment, really singularly focus on that one thing I can control Just do I go into surgery or do I not? Um, it gave me that clarity to be able to go into there and I remember just saying my prayers with my family and I said goodbye to them. I got rolled into that operating room. They, they put the anesthesia mask over me and I count down from a hundred, you know, down to zero. I think I got to 98 and closed my eyes and that concluded the day, may 6, 2017, for me. Wow.
Speaker 2:What a whirlwind, unbelievable, and what a testament to so many things as well. What a testament to so many things as well, a testament to everybody, to one no-transcript express appreciation and gratitude for the smallest things that we may often take for granted. So many times we hear about people that may have to complain about a long walk, or they didn't park close enough to the grocery store and they had to walk all the way back to the cart stand, and they had to walk all the way back to the cart stand. Imagine, if that was taken from you, how much you would love to have the longest walk in the world. Another thing a testament to recreate an entirely new scenario. So that's what I think about.
Speaker 2:And Rob, being a competitor and playing rugby at the premier program in the country, I know you love winning. I know that you love to defy odds. If someone says you guys can't beat this team, this team. No, we're going to beat this team and I'm going to show you exactly how we're going to do it. I'm going to take it right to you at what point, from hearing the doctor's diagnosis the initial diagnosis that you're not going to walk again to then having the discussion with your spiritual director, are you then having thoughts of all right, I'm going to beat this thing, I'm going to find a way to make these legs move again someday, and I'm not going to create this reality of I'm sitting in a chair all day long and nobody's going to love me, nobody's going to want to be around me. At what point does that dialogue start taking place?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a hope that I was really always holding on to and it was as simple as I remember. I got strapped into the gurney and brought into the ambulance on my way over to the hospital. He's kind of telling me what's going to happen. When I get there and ask if I have any questions, the first thing I ask, only thing I ask is am I going to walk again? And he says I don't know.
Speaker 1:And that honestly gave me a little bit of hope that it wasn't a flat out no, that there were people out there, there was some, be it extremely small, possibility that I could beat this and I didn't have to be in that statistical range which is probably like 98, 99%, that I wouldn't get any better, that this would just kind of be my permanent, my permanent reality. And I think so much of that came from that like competitor's mindset, from that foundation that had really been built in me in athletics because, being able to play for the Cal rugby team, we were not taught to accept mediocrity for our team, for ourselves as players. We were taught to be the best versions of ourselves that we could possibly be. I learned that at Cal rugby. I also played for the number one high school program in the nation for for rugby over in Sacramento Jesuit high school very much similar mindset. It was just we are going to be the best. We are not going to accept anything less that we have to push to be the best versions of ourselves. So if, if there was some small chance that I could beat this thing, it had to be me, I was going to go for it.
Speaker 1:And I think so much of that was just like knowing you don't know how hard I'm willing to work and you don't know those times when we're 78 minutes into this rugby match, we're going down to the wire and I just I can't even fathom like putting my foot in front of the other, Um, but I do it again and I do it again and I pick it a big tackle. Or you know those times when it's like okay, time to wake up at 5am to go run hill sprints with the team, like little things like that. It just builds this fortitude within you to where you start building that confidence about yourself that you can put forth an extraordinary amount of effort and dedication that the studies just haven't seen. I just I believed in that and also knew that in the end of the day, whatever happens, if it's outside of my control, I have to have some willingness to be able to let go of that.
Speaker 1:But what I could not accept is that I didn't do everything that I could. I couldn't put my head on the pillow at the end of the day, knowing that I didn't just lay it all out there and give everything. I had to overcome this. So it was more just like okay, let's push that away. I don't need that negativity in my mindset right now, because it will absolutely crush me and my ability to move forward. What is something that I can do? And I was fortunate that once I got out of that surgery situation, that I could finally start focusing on those just little things. Even if it's just like breathe, eat, If that's what I need to do to get better, that's what I'm going to focus on and just pour absolutely everything I have into it, just like I did when I was an athlete.
Speaker 2:I feel like one of the best things that a competitor, a serious competitor and someone with an indomitable or unshakable mindset can hear is the word no, and I've redefined it as no, as new opportunity. No Meaning when we really want something. It's never a matter of if. It's simply a matter of when, because we're not going to stop, no matter the circumstances. And I can only imagine hearing that and then just thinking I am going to prove you wrong and I don't care if it takes 2,886 days or 5,000 days. Gosh, darn it, I'm going to walk unassisted someday. And you're making those, literally those steps every single day. Post-surgery, as I'm sure this starts to sink in as okay, this is like. Now you're really feeling how different life is. Talk through those those early, those earliest moments, and maybe even the first few days, weeks, months post-surgery, because there were additional complications from there. But now your new reality is okay, hey, you can't move right that that much yet.
Speaker 1:What is?
Speaker 2:that like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's when it got most difficult, um, because I think anybody can be paralyzed for a day or a week, or probably even a month, um. But as it keeps adding up and you have that uncertainty looming in front of you, that's when that real mental battle settles in. And, you know, I wake up from the surgery totally just bleary eyed, super groggy, but like really hoping that I would wake up and they would just find this absolute medical anomaly that would help me to just like wake up and I'm fine. And it wasn't the case. So I'm kind of like OK, yesterday wasn't a bad dream, this was real, and I had a new doctor come in and he was a little bit more optimistic. He's like your injury is quite severe, robert, but you do have some things going for you. Your athletic background's huge, like what we just talked about, like that mindset. That's like the biggest component. Number two healthy body. I had some headwinds that were going to come my way and my body would be more prepared to take that on. I was young, you know, my nervous system is still developing. That's good for that regeneration and a really strong support system. Amazing family, amazing friends, my team right there with me, just like tens and tens and tens of players in the lobby just waiting for that first moment they can come in the door and see me. I had a lot of positives going for me so that really helped.
Speaker 1:But I needed it because I got pneumonia and that's dangerous for anybody, right? But I couldn't cough, I couldn't like breathe on my own. My diaphragm was mostly paralyzed. So something got stuck in my windpipe. I could not cough it out, I would just sit there choking on it. And then we get someone to slam down on my lungs to try and move this out, just so I can start breathing. And I remember the first time I tried to eat something I swallow and it just gets stuck right in my windpipe. And there I am, I can't cough it out. I'm like, oh goodness, you can't eat.
Speaker 1:So they shove a tube up my nose and down to my stomach. It took three days to get in there because I broke my nose so many times playing rugby, and I talk about pain. I don't know if you ever did one of those COVID tests where it feels like it's poking your brain. I mean that times, times, a hundred, right. This thing's going all the way down to my stomach and I just but I kept going back to that like control your mindset piece that when they're shoving this tube up my nose for an hour, blood's going down my throat into my mouth. I mean I'm just like I'm just crying, um can't, couldn't grip the sheets, even if I wanted to. But, man, what you know, what I have, and, uh, you know, for these breathing treatments, no-transcript. But what kept me going was that control your mindset piece. It's like do you want to eat or not? Yes, let them shove this tube down your nose. Do you want to breathe or not? Yes, go into another breathing treatment. Whether it's 3 PM or 3am, you have to do it. And and that that kept me moving forward through that period. And I mean, yeah, I needed it and I got through that and then eventually could finally start doing some rehab. And I mean, just, I remember how excited I was to really just be like, okay, I got through that medical period and like now I'm in the game, this is where it gets fun Definitely had a strong dose of humility.
Speaker 1:I mean I remember the first PT exercise I ever did was going from laying on my back to laying on my side and I mean, we're talking just like just 15 minutes of trying as hard as I can to fling what control I had in my arms over and hopefully take that momentum to bring me over.
Speaker 1:So you know, if you would have rewinded just a couple of weeks ago, I'd be putting 405 pounds on my back and squatting it, you know. Or running a rugby field for 80 minutes. And you know, here I am just trying to go from my back to my side in a laying position. But again, it's kind of like control that mind, your mindset. What can I control? If this is the task I need to take on right now, this is what I'm going to do. So did I fight those thoughts of like, why me? Why am I going through this Heck? Yes, absolutely. But when I could like be in the action it kind of faded and it was like I'm just here, another athlete, with my coach, a physical therapist, and we're getting after it. So that really helped me to focus down on what I needed to do to get better and get through those tough moments.
Speaker 2:I want to talk about your perspective on embracing the small victories and, as I was looking through your earlier videos and following your journey, you described that at the time one of the best days of your life, or it felt like one of the best days of your life was when you could wiggle your toe just a little bit, like the most minuscule movement, something that I'm sure before May 6th, you would have never thought twice about that. All right, I move my toes. I move people around a rugby field, but now something as simple as moving your toes is equated to one of the best feelings you've ever had. What's your perspective? Around us, embracing the little things in life and using that as fuel to continue moving forward.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, it's so important and I think it's one of those, when we talk about those gifts that come out of adversity, it's definitely one of the biggest gifts I've received um is just being able to keep track of those little things I have in my life. Um, because, yeah, like if I was wiggling my toes, I mean I wouldn't even give it a thought. And uh, you know, here I mean I was literally moved to tears by not even like not just not like playing the piano with my toes. Here, like I mean I'm just flickering one toe. And I remember because it was about six weeks it took me to get that flicker of movement, and I mean I would just stare at those bad boys trying to get them to move.
Speaker 1:And it was Father's Day actually in June of 2017, when I got just that little wiggle of movement and I mean, and uh, and I made immediately like tears run down my face and I'm thinking I was told that this would never happen and I can finally wiggle a toe. And I just thought back of, like, you know, around that time, like my buddies and everyone at Cal was like going through finals, so they're all you know complaining. You ask them hey, how's your day going? Oh, not good. You know I'm uh, you know I've just been in the library for like eight hours today and I don't know what's gonna, you know, happen for this final and uh, and I'm just thinking like here I am and I'm crying because I was able to wiggle my toe. Right now it's just like such a different world. And don't get me wrong, if I didn't break my neck, I would have been probably complaining about those finals too. Um, it's almost like I kind of woke up from a, from a sleep that you know, this mask had been taken over my, off my eyes, and uh was just brought into this entirely different world. That showed me just how amazing a normal day is.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think we just let those normal days just kind of pass by us over and over and over again in our lives, and it's not until something like this happens where you can really realize how lucky you are.
Speaker 1:And you know, it's like there's a common saying like that right, like you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore, and I think that's just the absolute worst saying we could ever live by. Why should we wait to lose something before we actually start showing appreciation for it. And you don't have to go through what I've gone through to have that perspective in your life. You just have to have empathy and you have to be able to look at the struggles that others go through, have that perspective point to compare what you go through right now and realize what you have, be grateful for what you have and just have that general awareness of when you find yourself complaining about something, because oftentimes we complain about something that we would mourn if we lost it. So you think about someone like oh, you know I got to go on this, you know I'm going to go run this 5k today or whatever, and like I'm super sore, you know like what are you complaining about?
Speaker 2:Like what if you?
Speaker 1:couldn't do that. You, you, I mean you'd you'd be an absolute mess if you couldn't run that 5k. So why are you complaining about it? I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's like it gets on my nerves now when I, when I think about little little things like that, those little complaints in our lives, so it comes down to the saying um, that's really helped me to have that like quick perspective shift and it's called compared to what. So just be like wow, I'm really tired, but compared to what. Or there's a lot of hardship that I'm going through right now, but compared to what, there's a lot that I can do, there's a lot that I do have. So I think that's a good tool for us all to have in our tool belt that compared to what, to when we find ourselves having those little complaints about life, to just run that through our mind, realize just how lucky we are to have all those little things, those little victories that we have in our lives, because they are gifts and those things can be taken away. So appreciate that every second. You have them because you're so lucky.
Speaker 2:I love that compared to what, and you bring up a great point and it makes me think of something that I've heard recently from Sahil Bloom. He just wrote the Five Types of Wealth and got to have a conversation with him a few weeks ago and one thing he brought up is that we often complain about the very thing that we prayed and wished for most in life Wow. So think about people that that have families and a baby you praying to again live a happy and healthy life. That's mixed in there somehow live a happy and healthy life that's mixed in there somehow. And then we're going to complain about going back a few minutes ago, how far we have to walk to get to our car. It's interesting, but I love that.
Speaker 2:I'm going to start mentioning that to people the compared to what, because that's an instant, instant shift we can create and get us back to center like, hey, man, totally, we have a lot. We have a lot of great things going for us right now. Gotta look for a minute, remove ourselves from the situation, zoom out just slightly and you'll see it. What have been some of the as you reflect back on this journey, rob? What have been in addition to moving your toes some of the most victorious or rewarding moments that you've experienced thus far.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's been so many and I just like run through the big ones so to like update everyone on just how amazing this recovery has gone. So I went from you know, no motion at all below my neck, can't breathe, can't eat, crying when I'm wiggling a toe to where I spent a year in Colorado at a hospital and I walked out of those hospital doors in my walker and I now have almost full motion in my upper body and my fingers. I can walk 400 yards in my walker now and I stay on that grind every day to get more. And I went back to UC Berkeley and I graduated and I walked across that stage to get my diploma from the number one public university in the world and sorry for the UCLA fans out there, we can talk about the number one rankings later, but I mean huge moments in my life, right, and I think the one that I draw, that I draw back to and continues to inspire me, is when I took my first steps, like in a harness and everything. So I go to this awesome hospital over in Colorado and totally different outlook. When they talk to me, I mean these guys are awesome and they're like Robert, what happened to you is terrible, but we don't know where you're going to progress from here. I mean, you might walk into these doors one day and you very well might not, but we're going to give you everything we've got.
Speaker 1:And I remember when I wiggled that toe it was a few days later that if I were laying on my back I could lift my knee up just a few inches off of the mat. And they saw that and they're like we're gonna get you walking and I'm like hold on, like I can wiggle a toe and kind of like move my knee a little bit. I don't. I don't understand like how this translates to walking, but that's where their genius really came in and I remember they had me essentially translates to walking, but that's where their genius really came in and I remember they had me essentially connected to a winch, that's connected to a track in the ceiling to prevent me from falling down and I can move back and forth. Room probably went like 50 yards in a straight line and I was in this really heavy duty walker and I had a therapist behind me, kind of like on a rolling stool. So they're like holding onto my knees to get me locked out, but I'll kind of guide my feet if I could get in this walking motion. And uh, I mean, gosh right, I just can't even explain how badly you want to walk when you lose that ability to walk, and you know, for for weeks or you know, at this point, probably like a couple months, um, I mean, it's just constant, it all.
Speaker 1:I saw I'd watch a movie and I wouldn't even be thinking about the plot, I'd just be thinking about how the person just stood up from a park bench, like I wanted it so badly and prayed for that moment to just have the chance to walk. And here I was hoisted up into the ceiling, um, you know, like supported so I can be in that standing position for the first time. And uh, and then, you know, I kind of got that green light. Here's my moment. And I remember my physical therapist saying all right, rob, right knee forward. And I just I grip my teeth, you know, squinting my eyes, grunting like everything I can to get this right knee forward. And uh, and it just like pops boom forward. And uh, you know, we're all kind of shocked. It's like all right, plant it into the ground. I do everything I can to like put that heel firm into the ground.
Speaker 1:Okay, left leg, like everything I have, everything I have, just dumping it all into getting this knee forward. Boom it goes. Plant it. Right leg, plant it. Left leg, plant it.
Speaker 1:And I mean I am like drenched in sweat, just like screaming. I mean like the whole room can hear me, uh, just going nuts on this thing. It takes me two hours to go that 50 yards and back. And I look back at those videos and, um, I mean it was just like one of the proudest moments I've ever had in my life that I like I took those first steps. And I remember after, after my rehab, for that day, I just went back into my room and I just wept, I mean just just crying. I was so grateful to just have that chance to give everything I have and just go 50 yards down and back. Um, and I, you know, I I never try to forget that just like how badly I wanted that at that moment. And I try to take that, you know, into my workouts that I do now and uh, and just every endeavor I have, to just have that kind of absolute gratitude and aggression for what I'm doing in the moment.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful, and I've loved watching your videos and seeing the journey and even seeing you standing up with your wife in the beach in Hawaii and making progress on your journey there. One thing I'm curious about is the dream, rob, that okay, hey, we can walk and run unassisted, and if so, is that being tracked at that overall big milestone, or are you chasing or do you create little milestones along the way, like, for instance, are you going towards the big thing right now or are you going towards, let's get to 600 yards, 800 yards, like do you break it out you?
Speaker 1:have to. Yeah, you absolutely have to have both, and so this is kind of like all like in constructing my, my vision and my goals. So I think in goal setting you do have to have those two things. You have to have that overarching vision, that end destination that you want to reach. Try to quantify it as much as you can For me, really tough in my situation.
Speaker 1:So for that ultimate vision, that's all I thought about in the beginning, right, and that ultimate vision for me was to never need to use my wheelchair again. So one day I will stand up out of this thing. I will never sit back down and I don't really care if that's like with a walker or crutches or unassisted, however that looks. Obviously, if I can get to unassisted, that's like the ultimate. But really just to be wheelchair independent was my goal, and so that's, like you know, pie in the sky, that's what gets you up out of bed in the morning, something that's a big stretch goal. Um, I mean, at the time of my injury is probably I mean easy less than 1% that that would ever happen for me. But it was kind of like the dumb and dumber question, like, so you're saying there's a chance. I mean, I was just like, if there's any possibility, I'm going for it. And you know, like I said earlier, when you lose your ability to walk, there's nothing more that you want. So that was a that was a great goal for me to have and but I had to break it down from there and I took the took this leadership class at UC Berkeley. The professor's name is Dan Mulhern and and he has a good way of explaining it that was really the way that I broke this down to and continue to use it to this day is thinking from right to left. So if we think of like a time continuum, we you know, it's like the way that we read we have our current reality on the left and then, as we move to the right or in the future and a lot of the times when we construct our goals, I think, okay, we were like focus a lot on the little steps and then we kind of like lose sight of that larger vision. We need to spend the bulk of our time in the beginning really thinking about where we want to be and then deconstruct from that point. So we think from right to left, from future to present.
Speaker 1:So what do I need to be able to do before I'm wheelchair independent. Well, I think one of the last steps that there's going to be for me is really be able to like walk a mile straight. I'm going to need to be able to at least walk one mile straight with no rest, so I have to be able to do that. Before that I'm going to be able to need to get myself up off the ground. That's a big deal for someone with a mobility impairment. Before that, I'm going to be able to need to be able to go go from like a one knee position to getting my leg up and supporting myself into the standing position. Before that I'm going to need to be able to stand up from a couch. Before that I need to be able to stand up from my bed. You kind of see how the process works here. Everything is predicated from that ultimate vision.
Speaker 1:Then getting down to my current reality, which I always have had to also be very in tune with, because I met a lot of people who are like I'm not a quadriplegic, this just isn't me. I'm going to walk out of this, this hospital, a month. And because they weren't in tune with where they were, they weren't able to get where they wanted to go. They just didn't realize how much effort it was really going to take and, uh, and the luck that they needed to have on their side too. So I was in tune with that. So in the beginning it was like I need to be able to breathe and I need to be able to eat.
Speaker 1:So I think that's a good way to break down those overarching goals that we want to achieve. But then it's also important to have daily goals that we can can achieve. Because for me right now you know I can walk 400 yards it's not easy to like double your volume when you start getting into kind of like those like you're really stretching yourself that far. Um, so like my goal is to get on my feet every single day. That's something I can do.
Speaker 1:Uh, want to make sure I'm out of bed by 7 15 every morning. That's something that I can do. I can have that victory and it's putting me on that track to achieving all those goals that I have along the way. So that's how I would recommend someone set their goals Spend a lot of time on the front end thinking about that ultimate vision. Get some pen and paper out, thinking from right to left the milestones that you knew to achieve, and then give yourself some daily goals too, so that you can keep yourself on track, keep accomplishing those things that you need to do to get to that ultimate vision.
Speaker 2:The right to left framework is really useful because you've got your ideal in mind, and then the way I've always looked at that is if we are going to get to the far right, what must be true, okay. Well, if we're going to be wheelchair independent, what must be true, well, I must be able to get out of bed. What must be true for me to get out of bed? And you keep going that way.
Speaker 2:I find it to be more fun to take the right to left approach, actually, versus, yeah, traditional thinking or not to say it's flawed, but traditional is okay, we're going to go left to right. Well, right to left, I believe, makes the end goal feel even more real, or like we're getting there. There's no option, right, mm-hmm, rob, if we break down the, the root cause of why you are where you are right now and you mentioned that on May 6th you were going in to push your teammates forward and players came in and did illegal moves, weren't called, ultimately resulting in where you are right now the, from what I understand, weren't called, ultimately resulting in where you are right now, mm-hmm, from what I understand, the man that had you in a headlock.
Speaker 2:You've never heard from him today, eight years later, and you talked about forgiveness before we got started. Mm-hmm, forgiveness before we got started. What role has forgiveness played on this journey, and what would you have to say to this man if he ever connected with you in the future?
Speaker 1:Yeah, forgiveness has been critically important through this journey and easily one of the most difficult things that I've gone through, because my instinct as a rugby player was when someone hits you back, you hit them back harder. You know, there's kind of like two forms of justice on the rugby field. There's a referee blowing his whistle and then there's justice that we enact with our shoulders and I mean I was a big guy, I was a physical guy. There's a referee blowing his whistle and then there's justice that we enact with our shoulders and uh, and I mean I was a big guy, I was a physical guy, and uh, if someone put a cheap shot on me, you know I was going to let let them know that they can't be doing that.
Speaker 1:Um, so here I've been put on my back and there was nothing I could, I couldn't eat. I'm fighting for my life. I literally have. I had a treatment where my respiratory therapist we filled out, we filled up what was like probably two cups worth of phlegm from my lungs and the whole time he's just saying this is bad, this is bad. And he's walking out in the room and the last thing he says is you're in trouble, robert, and he just goes and I would think of moments like that and it's like I'm not in this situation because I was doing something stupid. You know, like drunk driving or um, you know, just like those, those like just stupid flukes that happens Like no, I was trying to achieve great greatness in my life and someone made an illegal move, um, wrapping me around my neck, and I was I mean, I was looking at just flat out empirical evidence I mean pictures, videos from multiple angles that I was driven by my neck, driving my skull into the turf, which essentially slammed my forehead against my chest and caused all of this and, um, I mean just the initial hatred I had in my heart. I just I can't even explain it. Um, so immediately it kind of came down to like a moral dilemma sort of question for me, like we started about in the beginning of this conversation faith, very important to me, and this is something that this was a teaching that I knew was very clear. So that really that helped me make that initial step of just kind of knowing what's what I needed to do.
Speaker 1:And in the beginning it was an absolute fake, until you make it kind of thing and people would ask me Rob, what do you think about this guy and no matter how much rage I was feeling internally, I would just say I forgive him and I wish him well. I forgive him and people you know they'd get into it and it'd be like, yeah, I know it's bad, but I forgive him and I hope he's doing okay, no matter what I felt. And as time went on, as I said those words, it just kind of slowly burned out that fire of rage. And I think that's a good analogy to think of it, as that process of forgiveness is like a fire, and initially somebody starts that fire for us when we've been wronged, but then they're gone and they're not hanging out and we can keep dumping wood on that fire and building onto that rage as much as we want, and the only person it's going to burn is us. But over time, if we choose not to put fuel on that fire, to say that we forgive them, to not actively engage in those negative thoughts, it slowly burns itself out and then we're finally free and I think, like that's the true gift of forgiveness is that freedom and liberation.
Speaker 1:It's not just removing guilt from the person who did wrong, it's removing all those negative attachments from the person who was wronged and I think if we can just realize first that it's always what's best for us and then realize it's a journey and we don't have to feel it internally to be on that path of forgiveness, we can control what we say and what we actively engage in and it will, over time, eventually control the way that we think and the way that we feel. It can take years, but it will make a difference in your life and it is always the right thing to do. Those are some really important realizations that there's not a lot of generalizations we can make in life, but one I'm confident is that forgiveness is always the answer. So if this person did reach out to me, it would be that I forgive him and you know it probably wouldn't be the longest conversation. I mean, I don't. I don't think to forgive someone that you have to be like best buddies with them, um, but you gotta.
Speaker 1:you gotta eventually get to that path of removing those negative attachments and you can't go around spreading rumors about them or allowing those feelings of hate to control your actions. I would say that I forgive him and I would have everything that I've gone through in the back of my mind. Those moments when a nurse was saying that I'm you know, I'm in trouble, and when I'm getting tubes shoved up my nose and I'm not getting a lick of sleep throughout the day, and how it was all because of his actions. Those would all still exist with me. But beyond that would be that very intentional decision to forgive that person.
Speaker 1:And I'm just so happy I've made that choice because I'm looking ahead of me.
Speaker 1:I'm not looking back behind my shoulder over things that are in the past and what other people are doing. I'm thinking about myself and what I can control and just the amazing things that I still have in front of me. So, just like such a critically important decision that I've made and I've just I've learned so much from and you know, final thing I'll say to just wrap up, forgiveness is it doesn't have to be people that we're forgiving too. It can also just be those times when we feel like the world is just against us and the universe just hates us, we're looking up in the sky like why To be able to let go of those things too, to not give power to those things that bring us down. That's kind of another form of forgiveness that we can access in our lives that I think that all of us are struggling with at some degree at any point in our lives to just realize that we have control of what we say and that will eventually have control over how we think and how we feel.
Speaker 2:It's a very liberating feeling, and one thing that an analogy I like to share is that everybody's wearing a backpack in life, this theoretical backpack, and often may not realize what all is in the backpack. And when then wondering why we may be upset so easily or angry, or mentally and emotionally fatigued, it's like, well, you're carrying a backpack full of bricks of this person's memory and what they did to you five years ago, and this limiting belief that you have. And when we can flip that backpack over and, in this case, forgive somebody, you probably shed you probably a dozens of bricks that you're carrying around. And what's interesting is that we talk about. Well, rather, what's interesting is that we can paralyze ourselves with our minds, and not because we're carrying so many things around. Your book, paralyzed to Powerful, comes out tomorrow, eight years later, may 6th. What are some keys to not allow us to paralyze ourselves and what's the ultimate aim with this book that's out now?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's such a good way to view our challenges as those things that paralyze us, and I realized that very early on that I was paralyzed physically, but I had things that were paralyzing me most emotionally and mentally, and those are things that we all deal with. Um, and in overcoming this journey of physical paralysis, I've gained a lot of tools that have helped me to overcome those things that paralyze us mentally and emotionally. Um, so I lay out 15 different tools and each chapter is one of these tools in this book that's helped me throughout that journey. Um, you know, things like we've discussed in here, like perspective and uh, and like vision, Um, but I want to go back to what's something that we talked about earlier that I think so important, because I think it's, I think it's one of the biggest, and it is that selfless commitment and, um, and the way it started for me is it was about five days into my injury. I'm hanging out there, but maybe a little context is that I used to coach youth rugby camps when I was playing over at Cal.
Speaker 1:Come back to Sacramento. Adrian was like 10 to 14 years old for the campers, and this one camper's name his name was Talon and he was like really he was a smaller player out there but he had heart and everyone just kind of rooted for him and I would give him the ball so he could go score. And you know, imagine me like D1 athlete. I'd pick them up and I'm like six, five. You know, everyone else is like up to my hips and I'm like bobbing and weaving in between them. So Talon can have his moment and we had this real bond.
Speaker 1:And you know, go back to five days after my injury, my high school is hosting a prayer service for me. They're praying for my healing and they're praying for my strength. And then my dad shows me a picture on his phone of someone who I can't recognize. But he's a kid, probably around 15 years old, who's obviously fighting for his life and his hair is very white and thin. Who's obviously fighting for his life and his hair is very white and thin. His body's just like skin and bones. Skin is super pale. And my dad tells me this kid is Talon and Talon was fighting stage four cancer. And this picture was accompanied by a caption that his mom wrote and it read along the lines of Talon wanted so badly to be at the prayer service to pray for Robert today, but he's in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy and he's wearing his Jesuit rugby shirt that the team gifted him in his first round of chemo. It's his goal that when he beats his cancer, he wants to go play rugby, and Robert inspired him to do that.
Speaker 1:But it closes with this sentence that's just seared into my soul and it changed everything for me, and it said stay strong and keep smiling, Robert. Your strength helps talent. Stay strong, too. Tears just pour down from my face because I realized in that moment that overcoming this injury is not about me, it's about him. It's about all those people who are inspired when I choose to fight another day.
Speaker 1:And um, I mean, here we are today on the you know the wind today podcast. We're talking about how I'm on day 2,886 today and I'm very intentional about making my goals happen on those days and not letting a day slip me by, and my goal is to be able to walk again and all that. But that's not what's motivated me this many years, because there is a very possible, in fact likely outcome that I will never walk again and I will spend the rest of my life trying to get out of this wheelchair, but it's just never going to happen. That's the statistics say there is. That is a far likely chance that that will happen. And I would be okay with that because I would know that I've helped people and that this injury didn't beat me, wheelchair or not, because it didn't break my spirit, it didn't break my attitude and in it I was given an ability to inspire people that I never would have had if I got up from that mall. And it's all rooted in that selfless commitment and we must have that commitment and we just we must have that. We must be working for someone else in our lives If we do want to persevere. It'll help us, It'll help others, but more than anything it gives us meaning and it gives us purpose in our lives and it helps others.
Speaker 1:And I go back to that kid talent a lot in my mind. He battled cancer for four years and then he eventually passed and he died a winner and he died a fighter and he's the greatest example I've ever seen of what it means to live with that selfless commitment. Because here he was, about 15 years old, battling stage four cancer and while he's undergoing chemo, he wasn't thinking about himself and he wasn't praying for himself, he was thinking about me and his life ended far too early, but he did more than most of us ever do with our lives and making an impact on others because he lived that way. So he's the greatest person I've ever known in my entire life. He is my absolute biggest inspiration and I will spend the rest of my life sharing his story and his fighters spirit to fight not just for himself but for others, and he's helped me more than anyone I could ever know. Just an amazing principle to live by. That that we all got to, that we all got to take to heart.
Speaker 2:Amen to Talon, and it's my most sincere wish, rob, that what you just said there serves as an invitation and a call to action to everyone, listening to do something, one thing for one person, because in that we'll never truly understand the impact that we really have in this world. Look at the story you just shared right there and now, heck, I can go and tell that story to others, but it came down to one person, one action and doing something that's bigger than ourselves. Of course, we want to win in life. However we define winning to be and accomplish our goals and, I'm sure, lead a family, do great things, but one of the most rewarding things that we could ever do in this life is impact another life positively, and it's my wish that that's the invitation that you just gave us right there, and it's my second most sincere wish that people pick up the book and absorb all of the learnings and the lessons that you've packed in there and that we can truly experience all of your wisdom, insights and inspiration.
Speaker 2:It's a closing tradition on the podcast, rob, to end with a rapid fire session. Envision that you and I are going out to lunch somewhere cool in northern california and we're going up three elevator floors to have lunch on the rooftop. On each floor somebody is going to enter the elevator for one floor and they're going to get out and they're they're going to and they've got a question. The amount of time you have to answer the question is the amount of time it takes to go up one elevator floor, all right. So this is one gem, one step, one book. So the first person enters the elevator. Rob, what's one gem that you have, whether it be a quote or a mantra that you live your life by, that I can put in my back pocket and live my life by as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, I've done harder things. So it's those little moments in life that happen to us, when we're having a tough day, or those little things like our phone runs out of battery, forgot your charger at home Just be able to look at the things that we've overcome, tell ourselves we've done harder things and keep us moving forward. I think we all need to remember that we've done incredible things in our lives.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, next person gets on, rob. What's one step that I can take today to not become paralyzed by my own thoughts and mind?
Speaker 1:It's to start looking up inspirational stories. My own thoughts in mind, it's to start looking up inspirational stories. I think we all have to spend like very conscious, deliberate time looking up stories of hardship, so we don't get lost in the minutia of life but just realize how much, how much we have that we can be grateful for. Gotta. Gotta spend some time looking up stories of hardship.
Speaker 2:Perfect segue into the last one of stories. What's one book, in addition to yours, that we should pick up in 2025 to improve our mindsets?
Speaker 1:Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, absolute stellar book Quote that I go back to. A lot from him is that anything can be taken from a man but one thing the last of the human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances. We're talking like major, major scientists here and Holocaust survivor just laying out some incredible wisdom that can benefit all of us.
Speaker 2:It's an absolutely incredible book, rob. It's been such a joy and a privilege to have the opportunity to interview you and hear your story. How can we keep up with you and support you, in addition to getting a copy of the book tomorrow when it releases?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely so, for the book I'm going to be available everywhere you buy books Amazon, barnes, noble, all that stuff doing an audio book as well that I'm narrating myself. So look out for that. Paralyzed to Powerful, and on social media I'm everywhere you know Instagram, facebook, linkedin, twitter, tiktok kind of got a monopoly on the name Robert Paylor, so just look me up and posting those daily updates to keep people moving forward. But just an absolute honor here.
Speaker 2:Brian, I can't thank you enough for having me and, yeah, excited to connect with anybody who would like to so excited for you, Rob, and again truly appreciate the opportunity today and the opportunity for listeners to really rethink how they view life and take in more appreciation for what is and all the little things really thoroughly inspired by you and your work and wish that this serves as an invitation for people to serve others, embrace life, take advantage of the little things and express more appreciation for the little things, not paralyze ourselves and win today. Thank you so much you.
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