Win Today
Win Today is a performance enhancing podcast filled with actionable insights and inspiration to come out on top in life. Through captivating interviews and solo episodes, a powerful tool is created and given to listeners to be able to push through any situation in life.
Hosted by Ryan Cass, he delivers messages that align to his purpose of helping people establish a foundation for sustained success, break trends of adversity, and chart desirable courses for life. Win Today!
Win Today
# 194 | The Good Mood Revolution: Building Your Happiness Muscles Ft. Matt O'Neill
In this episode, Matt O'Neill, author of The Good Mood Revolution, shares his powerful five-step journal process to transform negative thoughts and set the tone for a positive day. He opens up about his personal journey of overcoming feelings of unworthiness and addiction, revealing how understanding the eight categories of negative thoughts can lead to profound healing. Matt also explores the role of forgiveness, highlighting how shifting our mindset can unlock greater happiness and personal growth.
Connect With Matt!
Purchase The Good Mood Revolution Book!
Good Mood Revolution Podcast
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
- Join The Unshakeable Discipline Community!
- LinkedIn | www.linkedin.com/in/ryanacass/
- Instagram | @ryanacass
is, I write down three things. I win at Three things from the day before that were wins, and usually I end up with four or five. You know, and I'm not you know, but some days I've struggled to come up with three things that I did well the day before. But this is a really powerful process because again it goes back to that guilt, this um, I'm not, I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough. Once we start to and that's coming from a powerful place too because our mind is like do more, do more, do more, It'll be helpful for you, You'll survive more, You'll stack more money and then, if anything happens, you'll have money and you can pay for it and you'll be okay. So it's not trying to hurt us.
Speaker 1:What it does is it always the mind's always looking at what are we not doing right so we can fix it, because it needs to be fixed what it doesn't do. This is super crazy man. It doesn't tell us what is going well unless we ask it. And we and we have to ask it what is going well? Consciously, Because if it's going well like, go back to us living in tribes in the Savannah If it was going well, we didn't need to spend energy on it, because it took all of our energy to go, get food and survive and not do things wrong or not get kicked out of the tribe or not say the wrong thing. So the brain only spent its energy on what wasn't going well, because if it was going well, great, you got that covered, I don't need energy on it.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Wednesday podcast, a weekly resource thoughtfully crafted to help people build and refine discipline, accomplish their goals, fortify their mindsets and be of service to somebody in this world. My name is Ryan Cass and I am mindsets and be of service to somebody in this world. My name is Ryan Cass and I am your host, and it is my mission and commitment to deliver amazing episodes to you every week where you'll learn from myself or a renowned expert in their field. We love helping people win in every aspect of their lives, and you can help us win by sharing the show with somebody that you believe will benefit from it, subscribing and leaving a rating and review. We believe that everybody in this world is meant to do something great with their lives, and we're here to help play a role in that. Thank you for tuning in and let's win today.
Speaker 2:First foot on the floor, I say thank. Then, as my other foot hits the floor, I say you. With each successive step, I quietly repeat thank you, thank you, thank you. If you repeat the words thank you to start each day, especially on the mornings when you don't feel like it, you too will strengthen your gratitude. There is a very good reason to do this.
Speaker 2:Gratitude is the gateway to good moods. It's not always possible to go from a bad mood to immediately feeling happy, but it is possible to go from a bad mood to feeling grateful for being alive. Then, once you are grateful, you can shift back into a good mood, to feeling grateful for being alive. Then, once you are grateful, you can shift back into a good mood. We've got someone that I'm incredibly grateful for, and that is my friend and brother, matt O'Neill, who is the author of the Good Mood Revolution book, which we just heard from the host of the Good Mood Revolution podcast, ceo of Matt O'Neill Real Estate but, more importantly, someone who is an incredible family man that is igniting happiness in the lives of countless people around the world. Matt, welcome my friend.
Speaker 1:What's up, ryan Dude? I am so thrilled to be on this podcast so we said some cool things about you.
Speaker 2:You've done some amazing things in your life and now, with your most recent success, you've got the good mood revolution book. A lot of amazing things in there that we can read about you. But let's dig into Matt a little bit first. What do you say is something that we wouldn't be able to find on your resume that makes you really proud, and why?
Speaker 1:What makes me really proud? That's not on my resume. Hmm, what makes me really proud? That's not on my resume. You know I was at the I Love Coaching event that Adam Roach puts on and John Maxwell was speaking and John said I want to be admired most by the people who know me best. And, man, I'm proud to say that that's my number one goal, that it's great to make a positive impact in the lives of people. I don't know. I was actually reading the reviews on my book just this week and I came to tears about people saying how their lives had transformed just reading the book and that's great. But I want to make a bigger impact in my children's lives and in my wife's life and I really want to pour into those relationships. And that's something that not everybody gets to see and that's also why it can get pushed to the side, but it's a huge focus of mine to be the biggest hero to the people who know me best.
Speaker 2:If you weren't in the room and you were the topic of conversation, what would you wish and hope that the people that are most meaningful to you would have to say about you and the impact that you have in their lives?
Speaker 1:That I care, that I care about them and that I would stop anything to help them. And for me, that's the most important thing is that we are all busy. You're super busy. You got a lot of things going on. I've got a lot of things going on and I really want to prioritize these relationships, and this isn't always the easiest thing.
Speaker 1:So this morning, um well, last night, my mom said okay, hey, you're going to take me to have my car fixed, right? And I said, yeah, we're going to go. She said it's tomorrow morning. I'm like, oh, tomorrow morning, yep, we're going to go. This is the third or fourth time that she's reminded me that I'm going to take her to get her car. You know, just like, follow her to the dealership and and bring her home. And she said, well, they open at eight. I said, oh, perfect, well, you know, I'm on Friday mornings it's just me and the kids. I let Katie have her space and I take care of the kids on Friday. I said I've got the kids, I'm going to get them ready, I'll drive them to school and then I'll go get my workout done and I'll be at your place around 8.30, 8.45. And she goes oh yeah, I was really hoping it was going to be eight.
Speaker 1:When they opened I was like well, I mean, it could probably just be 8.45,. Right, it's a car dealership. They take cars at any time in the morning. And then my wife says you know what? I'll take your mom, I'll take her, and then you get your workout in. I know, you got a busy day tomorrow.
Speaker 1:I was like okay, and then, as I was about to go to bed that night this was last night I said Katie, I'm going to take my mom. And I sent her a text. I said hey, I committed to you that I was going to take you. Here's what I'll do I'll drop the kids at school and then I'll come to your house at 730 and you and I can sit and have coffee for 30 minutes and then we'll go and be there right on time at eight o'clock and I'll find a different time to get the workout in. And that's what I did. And so this is like it's not the easiest decision all the time because we've got these competing priorities, but it is a big focus of mine to put my priority number one. I write this all the time One of my top three life goals is actually the first life goal I write down Weekly in my journal. I have three life goals on my weekly section and the first one I write down is relationships are my number one priority.
Speaker 2:I love that. That's amazing, and I appreciate that you put that into action and that one thing you mentioned is that holding your word is extremely important, and there's much mention of integrity and being your word in Good Mood Revolution, so it's refreshing to hear that. It's inspiring to hear, rather. So it's refreshing to hear that it's inspiring to hear, rather, that you're being a steward of your word and the teachings of Good Mood Revolution.
Speaker 2:Matt, one thing that our good friend, chris Singleton said that I often think about and share when I'm telling stories about why I do what I do is that everybody has a story behind a stance and, of all the ways that we can serve people in this world, there's countless ways we can serve people in this world. Whether it's through mindset coaching, whether it's through home services, everyone's got something that really drives them to do what they do. What's the story behind the stance for choosing to focus on igniting the good mood revolution, and what was it in your life that ultimately served as the catalyst for going down this journey and impacting lives in the way that you do today?
Speaker 1:Every single role model can be such a blessing. Even the ones that are at the time don't seem like it. And so for me, my dad was somebody that I had a lot of challenges with and he was a really tough dad to be raised by. And then he left our family when I was five and he didn't want anything to do with me and he wasn't somebody that upheld his end of the bargain. He didn't keep his promises, he wasn't there for his four children, and it was heartbreaking and it had me think that I wasn't worthy of his love and that actually I wasn't worthy of God's love. That was a big one for me. I'm like man, I'm just five, you know, I'm a five-year-old kid, but I'm like, what's wrong with me? Why did God not love me enough to give me a dad that would be there and protect me? And I couldn't reconcile it, I couldn't figure it out, you know, again, I was just a kid, and so then I got into a bunch of bad moods and, as I grew older, that kind of thought that I'm unlovable, there's something wrong with me, that kind of festered, and I wanted to prove that I was lovable. So I tried as much as I could to accomplish. I'm like, oh, if I just people like me when I'm doing well and they like put me up on a pedestal and say, like look at how well he did. So I'll just keep accomplishing and accomplishing.
Speaker 1:But I still felt really bad and then it turned into a bunch of addiction and through addiction I started to be really destructive and it was self-destruction. And this is kind of what addiction always is. Addiction is an attempt to feel good, which is admirable. I wanted to feel good. I didn't know how I'm taking the easy road to feel good, but ultimately it's because there's something wrong. And then one day it just came to me through the grace of God.
Speaker 1:My cousin said, hey, you should watch this movie, the movie the Secret. And I saw the Secret by Rhonda Byrne, I was 25. And she said everything in your life is created by your thoughts and emotions. All the good in your life is created by your positive thoughts and emotions, and all the bad in your life is created by your negative thoughts and emotions. You know, it's the law of attraction. And I was like I had never heard it. I didn't know what was going on and it just blew my mind.
Speaker 1:And so I went on a quest to figure out how can I stop having these negative thoughts and emotions and how can I create really positive thoughts and emotions. And the law you know she calls it the law of attraction. It's not in my book I talk about. This is level six of 16. But, man, when you come from where I came from, which was level one, I'm not worthy of love. Level six, which is, hey, you can manifest the life you want, it feels amazing. And so I dove super hard into that. And then it turned into just an obsession with trying to help other people, including myself, live happier and happier and happier and heal all the pain that had been passed down to us or that we had decided when we were little kids, because it's not necessary, we don't have to suffer like that.
Speaker 2:As you were explaining that, it brought me back to my early years, and we had a similar conversation recently on your podcast about what's the genesis for why we do what we do, and what you and I share in common is that both of our fathers have struggled and, in many ways, unintentionally also served as our greatest teacher In that.
Speaker 2:In those moments, moments isn't that cool, you know, and that's one thing to extract from that is that even the people that we encounter in our lives that may hurt us or that may we may perceive more negative experiences, there is positive that can be extracted, and these people can still teach us and give us something that is going to serve us for decades to come.
Speaker 1:And that's what I heard. That's the impact that I heard that your father Walsh, and he was the author of a book called Conversations with God. That was a really big seller in the late 90s and early 2000s. But he wrote this little children's book and I bought it and read it to my kids. But it had more impact on me than the kids.
Speaker 1:And the story is there's a little soul up in heaven and's talking to God and he's like God, what am I? And God said you're the light. You're all that's good in the world. You are love and joy and peace and fun and creativity. He's like you are just the light of the world. And the soul's like what's the light? And God said oh, that's right, you can't see it because you're surrounded by all that is good here in heaven. You're like a candle. That's this beautiful, bright light. But you're sitting on the surface of the sun and so you can't even see yourself. And the soul says well, how can I know myself? How can I see myself as the light? How could I figure out what I am? And God's like well, to do that you'd have to go into the darkness. And the little soul said well, that sounds interesting. And God's like yeah, I mean, it's not going to be easy, but if you really want to know yourself as the light, that's what you got to do. And he said, okay, well, let's do it.
Speaker 1:And God said, well, you should probably work on something while you're doing this. Is there any kind of quality you want to grow in yourself that you want to learn about? And he thought about it for a while and he said you know, I'd like to work on forgiveness. And God's like oh, it's a great one, good choice. He said well, go get one of your friends and see if one of your friends will help you learn this quality of forgiveness.
Speaker 1:And so he goes and he grabs a buddy. He's like hey, man, will you help me with, with forgiveness? And his buddy's like oh, I love you a lot, man, that's a tough one, but I'll do it. And his friend starts to put on these dark cloaks and he becomes, starts to look sadder and sadder and sadder. And little soul's like like, what are you doing? He's like I'm helping you. And god says, all right, are you guys ready? And they're like we're ready. And then he sends them both down into the darkness of earth. One is the father and one is the little boy wow, wow, I never knew that story.
Speaker 1:Did you. It's powerful man and it starts to have. You see that all these people we think were hard for us may have actually been buddies that were just playing a role to help our development.
Speaker 2:What did forgiveness look like to your father? Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I was at a tony robbins date with destiny event and, uh, he took us, he, he did this meditation and it's, you know, there's like 10 000 people there and so when a whole group of people is in a meditation like that, there's an energy to it and there's, there was just this energy in the room and he's like, and he's asking me about my earliest memory. And so I'm in this meditation, I'm going back to my earliest memory and I picture myself at Disney World. My brother was taking me on the teacups and we were playing on a Dumbo's ears and I was like three years old. That was my earliest memory. It's the memory I always went to when people said what's your earliest memory? And then he said, no, there's a memory earlier than that.
Speaker 1:And then, bam, my consciousness was just flooded with earlier memories and I started to see. I saw the day that my dad came and picked me up from my daycare and my little brother was being born, and then I saw all like immediately. I saw all of these happy memories where we were feeding horses and we were fishing, and we were like going to the arcade or going to a game and like I had suppressed all of the good times to protect myself. The good times weren't useful to me when somebody can really hurt you, so I didn't want to. Just as a survival, I had suppressed anything that was positive so that I knew to keep my distance.
Speaker 1:But by the time the meditation was over I was just crying, tears were coming down my face. I called my dad and I was like man, I forgot. I forgot all the good times and I said I saw today that you really did love me. And then he said of course I love you. And our relationship was changed from that point forward and we flew him to Charleston. And we flew him back to Charleston and we were really healed. And it took a meditation to unlock something that I had kept locked up.
Speaker 2:What did it feel like after you told them those words?
Speaker 1:Like dude. You know it was a total block for everything. I had guarded my heart and so probably this one relationship, being unguarded and being open, opened up my heart to all relationships and then I was able to be more free, more open, right? One of the things he used to tell me is men, don't cry, I'm five, he doesn't want to hear me whining as a five-year-old. So I didn't cry for like 30 years, and then it's only been over the last six, seven, eight years that I've been able to actually experience the emotion of sadness again, and this was part of that process of opening my heart and allowing myself to feel all the emotions.
Speaker 2:It's interesting how our beings are so very much influenced by our youngest selves, and I often explain our life as everybody's wearing a backpack. Everybody in this world is wearing a backpack, and we're often unconscious to what's in the backpack or not aware of all the things that we could be holding on to that aren't serving us well, that aren't allowing us to experience the next level relationships or just our best version of ourselves, until we really go back and understand and dig through, like, okay, what is actually in here? Actually in here. I'll never forget the day I forgave my dad and what was in my backpack theoretical backpack for 15 years at the time were all the times that he came home late, the times that there was the infidelity with my mother, the broken promises, everything. And how was I living my life at that time? I was upset, I was destructive. I justified those things saying, well, I've got the quote gene, it's just in me Because that's the response that he gave me.
Speaker 2:And then I made a decision.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I figured, I'm like oh, I just inherited a short fuse.
Speaker 2:And you justify all these things. We fabricate evidence which we'll get into here in a second, and I remember I was driving with him.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was done. I just at that point I was like I'm done, I'm done with holding on to all these things and kind of recognized holy smokes. I've got boulders in my backpack. No wonder I'm always upset or not experiencing my best life. And I said, dad, there's been a lot that's happened in our lives. I know that you didn't mean all of it and I know that you love us. And from this point on I'm choosing to put all of that in the past and I forgive you. And I remember he started and this is making me tear up too I remember growing up, you know living the life that hey, tough guys, don't cry.
Speaker 2:And you know he just broke down right in front of me that was one of the first times I'd really seen him just break down like crazy, but that's one of the most best days of my life too, because while some of the behavior didn't stop after that point, my backpack was empty and I wasn't letting anything else in there, and I chose to just live through love and live through love versus holding on to the past.
Speaker 1:You said a really important thing there. You said a really important thing. The behavior didn't change. His behavior didn't change and my dad's didn't either, but I changed and that was the point. The point was that you had your transformation. You became a loving, forgiving version of yourself, and that was your mission as a little soul, and if he chooses to change or not, that's up to him. You forgiving. This is a lot of times where forgiveness can go wrong for the person listening. We were like well, I forgave you now I need you to be better.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter how they are, because forgiveness isn't really a gift for them, and it's also not like letting them off the hook. It's just releasing the backpack, as you said, from yourself forgiveness is a gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. That's a great way to put it, and on that, I also see forgiveness as something that can be a skill. You talk about happiness as a skill that is developed. I remember growing up thinking that happiness is this emotion that we choose. And happiness sometimes my antiquated thinking was I had the when I, then I syndrome, when I achieve X condition, then I will be happier. When all this junk at home stops, then I'll be happy.
Speaker 2:What's some context behind. Happiness is a skill, and how have you cultivated that skill in your life now? What does that look like Now? What does that look like? Discipline is a key component of this podcast and a key thing that we preach. We view discipline as the fuel to help you create the life that you ultimately desire, and discipline being the fuel that gets your habits and systems in check so that you can actually accomplish your goals. If you're looking to level up in 2025, I am happy to be a part of that and encourage you to join the Unshakable Discipline Mastermind Group. This has been my baby for a couple years and we're finally launching it here in 2025.
Speaker 2:The group consists of a self-paced course that teaches you how to form core habits and mindset that will allow you to accomplish your goals. A daily accountability channel to keep you on track, motivated and in alignment with our members, and weekly mastermind sessions where you're going to learn from either myself or a suite of renowned guests many who have been on the podcast that are going to share pieces of their winning playbooks directly with you. I've learned that being a part of groups over the years has helped propel me to so many new levels in life. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, then go together, and it's my wish that the Unshakeable Crew is a choice that makes sense for you in 2025.
Speaker 2:We are growing up to 100 members this year and have limited time founding member pricing for 12 more folks before we permanently increase pricing to $97 a month. You can get in now for $67 a month, locked in for life, and be a part of the adventure that we're creating with our members. If you're somebody that craves discipline, seeks it or wants it this year, and you're really committed to making lasting changes in your life and being around others that are committed to winning and serving the world and sharing what they learn with others so that we make this world a better place, then join the Unshakeable crew. Go to unshakabledisciplinecom and you can sign up. It is also in the show notes Unshakeable shake as in milkshake unshakabledisciplinecom, and we're excited to have you in 2025. Let's go.
Speaker 1:It takes a lot of effort and nothing's worth more effort because we're happy to put in a bunch of effort at work. All right, I'm going to work my tail off. I'm going to do my best I can in my career and I'll work eight to 10 hours a day for 40 years on this career. We're happy to put an effort there. Or we'll put an effort in our physical body. I'm going to go to the gym or I'm going to go for a run and I'm going to do this five or six days a week because I want to be in peak physical condition. And yet we think we're just supposed to naturally be happy. The mental health piece, we just think, oh, we're just supposed to have that, it doesn't take any effort, that's just a given. I should just have that. But it's exactly the same as developing your skills at work and it's exactly the same as developing your physical skills and it takes just as much effort. But I'll argue that developing our happiness is the master skill that unlocks all the other ones, because it's proven. Many scientific studies have shown that happy employees earn more money. Happy salespeople are like twice as productive. And, by the way, who wants a bunch of money if you're miserable anyway, it doesn't even matter, like that, you're miserable. So or or, who needs a perfect body if your relationships are all falling apart? You know? So happiness is the skill to, to develop.
Speaker 1:And uh, just this morning I woke up and I and I had, I could just feel negativity, and it took me an hour with a journal. It took me an hour with a journal to figure out what negative thoughts were there, because they weren't obvious and they weren't apparent and then to reframe them to. First I had to get the, and there ended up being five negative thoughts I could come up with, and I put them all down on a piece of paper and then I worked on each one and thought, okay, well, how else could I see this? Could I see this differently? And then, is there any action I should take from this? Because all negative thoughts I call them bad moods in the book, but they're not bad, they're good.
Speaker 1:All negative thoughts are trying to do something helpful for us. It's our brain trying to help us. The negative thoughts don't serve no purpose. They're not there to harm us, they're there to help us. It's just like if you touch a stove and your hand burns and it hurts, that pain is helpful. So all this pain, this emotional pain, is really helpful too. It's saying hey, watch out, there's something here you need to do, there's something you have to address here, that's all. This negative thoughts are is a helpful nudge to do something different or to see things a different way.
Speaker 1:But that took an hour of time and I'm sure the person listening is going to say I don't have an hour of time. Well, it took me from 4.30 am to 5.30 am. Have an hour of time. Well, it took me from 4.30 am to 5.30 am. And because I purposefully allow myself this kind of space without my phone, my phone's on airplane mode and without having any other things to do, I didn't have to take care of my kids. I do the gym later.
Speaker 1:I was taking my mom after I did the kids, so I was able to get all this done before the kids woke up, before I did all their lunches, before I ended up taking them to school, before I had coffee with my mom, before I took her to the car shop and then before I went to the gym and then before I hadn't done it.
Speaker 1:If I didn't have that space, I could have been grumpy with my kids or standoffish, and then they could have been in a bad mood and then they could have gone into school, and then they could have gotten in trouble, maybe because they just weren't feeling great, and maybe I wouldn't have been that cool to my mom, and then the two of us could have been cold with each other. Maybe Katie and I could have gotten into it Like who knows. But instead I took all that negativity, worked on it, changed it and then by the time I saw my kids man, we were having a blast, like we had the best morning, and Katie started to lose it a little bit because she's potty training our three-year-old boy and he's not picking up what she's putting down and he continues to not body train and she's, she's feeling a bunch of pressure, which is a negative thought, by the way.
Speaker 1:Um, I didn't tell her that but the pressure, the pressure is not necessary. We can. And that's one of the chapters, the chapter on joy. Uh, so, but joy. But my mood was so high that I was able to sustain a place for her when she was falling this afternoon and be like, hey, we got this together. She's like, well, hey, could you go get Kelly? And I said I've got the space, Let me go get Kelly. And I went and got Kelly and she got a chance to take a shower and actually take care of herself. All because I spent an hour to get rid of the negativity was I able to truly serve my wife and, what's more important For me, I told you relationships are my number one, so it's worth the effort.
Speaker 2:Can we dig into that a little more, that someone listening might be thinking okay, I woke up with some negative thoughts this morning as well, and is there a certain construct, is there certain questions that we should be asking ourselves about these negative thoughts or bad moods that we may be having, so that we can work towards understanding? Okay, what is the good that it's giving us? As you mentioned, there's good that can be extracted, so what's something that we can do as a practical exercise to follow your lead here?
Speaker 1:absolutely the. The number one tool in our happiness toolkit is a journal, and my journal process is five steps and it's and the first step is negative thoughts. Some days I don't have any and I I get to my journal and I'm like I feel good, like I actually feel amazing. So negative thoughts that's not a thing on those days and that's like maybe four or five, even six days out of seven, but at least one out of seven, at least one, and for me and this is all I do, I'm a happiness coach At least one out of seven. There are negative thoughts that I have to address. But I start there. I start my.
Speaker 1:The journal process is you sit down, I have a cup of coffee, because coffee makes me feel good, and I'm sipping my coffee and I'm just searching my mind. Are there any negative thoughts? And so my first negative thought was I'm disconnected from the people at my office. I wrote it down I'm feeling disconnected from the people in my office. And then the next negative thought was I made a selfish choice with my daughter. I chose to put a surgery just before her big cheer competition. I'm selfish. And then the next negative thought I don't know if I'm going to be able to think of all five.
Speaker 2:That's fine, that helps, yeah, just basic.
Speaker 1:These are two good examples. These are our first two, but before I started to fix them all and this is a really important thing get all the negativity out. One day I went through and I said, man, my face is ugly, but I wrote it down. And that was just one of the negative, negative thoughts that I had. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, doesn't even matter if it's harsh. Another thing Another day, on that same day, I said I was a douchebag to my friend Brewer. So I was calling myself a name Right and you want to write like the real stuff, write the real stuff. If douchebag is in your vernacular, in your negative thoughts, write that down. Don't clean it up, don't church it up, just write down whatever the negativity is, because it's in there. If you try to filter the negativity, it still stays in there. I see this as a chance to dump the backpack onto the page.
Speaker 1:Then, once I got them all out and I've got five of them there then the next step is okay, how can I reframe these? So, going to the first one, it was I feel disconnected with the people in my company and that can be bad, because if I'm disconnected, I own a real estate companyents can leave and they do all the time. It's like a pretty high turnover, high turnover position. And so I just reframed it. And my reframe was we're more connected this year than we've ever been, which is a truth. We've been more focused on one-on-one lunches and creating a really empowering environment. Trainings I brought on all these different trainers, I started to list them out and then I asked myself is there any action I could take? And I said here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to text every one of them today individually. And so I wrote that down as an action text every person in my company.
Speaker 1:And then the next negative thought was I made a selfish decision with my daughter. I scheduled a surgery the day before her cheer competition because it was the opening that was coming up next and that means I might not see the first day of her cheer competition. I was just feeling selfish about that and I reframed it and I said well, I'm going to see her second day of the cheer competition and every single night I spend time every single night right now helping her with her cheer routine, like nightly before she goes to bed. Her and I work on this cheer routine that she's doing and I just said I'm not selfish with my daughter, I'm giving her everything I've got, and I wrote down action Is there any action I can take here?
Speaker 1:And the answer was no. I just needed to see that, even though I felt selfish, I actually had counterpoints that said I wasn't selfish in this arena. And so the counter like when you write the reframe next to the negative thought I just figure it like it neutralizes it. It's like maybe you know, when we go camping and you get some water and it might have some bacteria in it, but you can put some iodine or some pills in it and it neutralizes the stuff that can harm you and then you can drink the water and it's clean. That's kind of how I see these negative thoughts.
Speaker 2:I love the simplicity of it and one thing that's interesting is you know you reference Byron Katie's work a good bit in Good Mood Revolution and I just got her book as well.
Speaker 2:It got recommended from a recent podcast guest Absolute masterclass and one of the key questions that she poses is what makes a thought true? We can often fabricate evidence that we are selfish or that we are disconnected and completely disregard the evidence that we have manufactured that. No, actually we're way further along because of all the things that we've done to have team building events or all of the nights that you've spent with your daughter. It's easy sometimes for us to fabricate evidence and ignore what we've manufactured, and this goes into really the power that we possess. I was listening to a recent podcast episode you had on Good Mood Revolution and you were talking about belief systems and how you previously struggled with maybe things such as I'm not worthy or maybe I am a terrible boss. What are some beliefs that you found yourself often fabricating evidence for that you had to work on the hardest to shift, to develop the sense of confidence that you have today and the confidence that you possess and bring to the table in every endeavor that you go on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the book I talk about the eight bad moods, and there's only eight. Every single negative feeling we can ever have falls into one of the eight buckets of bad moods and those are shame, which was my biggest one. It was what we started this episode with I feel unlovable or unworthy of love, and that was a linchpin lie. It was a lie and that one belief from that stemmed like maybe thousands of other beliefs. And then I had all this evidence that was pointing to the fact that I really was unlovable or unworthy of love. And then I had to prove that I was and that was useful. Again, it was my mind helping me. At least my mind thought it was helping me. My mind was like, oh, do more and do more and do more. And it thought, then you'll be, finally, you'll be worthy of love and then you'll have everything you want. But it never was going to work because I had this linchpin belief I was unlovable. As soon as I was able to turn that around and pull that linchpin because it wasn't even true the whole belief structure just crumbled and I found the truth, which was I, was that beautiful little soul that was the light of the world, and that it was just a cloak of darkness. It wasn't even true. And this is what's neat about darkness as soon as you shine the light on it, it wasn't. It's not even there, like nothing needs to happen. All you need to do is turn on the light and the darkness goes away. So that was a major negative belief. But I've had all eight of them, and so the next negative belief is guilt, and guilt says people deserve to be punished for the things they do wrong. That's a big one, and, man, look at all the political campaigns that go on and it's all this guilt-driven content.
Speaker 1:I was raised in a Catholic family, catholic. There's a lot of guilt there. I had to go into a tiny room with a man who told me to tell him everything I'd done wrong, and then he told me that I had to repent for all the things I'd done wrong. It was ingrained and I had all this evidence that I just need to be punished all the time. Well, that also is a super destructive belief, and as soon as I pulled that linchpin out that people deserve punishment for doing things wrong and replaced it with a truer truth, which is if you do things wrong, there's consequences, but no more punishment is required. The consequence was enough and there's always a consequence, because karma is absolute. Like says, every single hair is counted, so everything that we do, good or bad. This is why integrity is so important. Why it's so important to me is that every single deed is recorded by the universe. So you get away with nothing, even if you think you got away with something, but you don't deserve. You know there's no punishment, there's just a consequence, and the consequence is meant to teach you and you don't need to be punished beyond that. So those are two really big, important beliefs and anyone listening needs to know like those need to be. Those are two cornerstone beliefs to change.
Speaker 1:The next one is the lie that life is hopeless, that the future is hopeless. If you're in that man, the only thing you can do is get help, because once you fall into this lie that the future is hopeless, that we can't do anything, we're overwhelmed by the demands of life. We truly believe there's no hope, so we need someone else to help us. So if you're in that, find someone. They'll help you. Ryan will help you, I'll help you. Just reach out. Life is never hopeless.
Speaker 1:And then you get into this belief of fear that bad things can happen to me in the future and we can just stay in anxiety like all these bad things are coming. That's kind of what was going on this morning. There was a fear that I pulled out of myself that I was disconnected from my company and that people could leave. That was good man, that was actually a good nudge. I did text every single person individually in my company and had a ton of great conversations and connected with some people and somebody's dad was just given a bad diagnosis and I was able to get on the phone with them and, like, really be there with them and and you know the, the fear that I was disconnected led to once I found it and wrote it down, led to an action to make me connected and it was really powerful.
Speaker 1:But what typically we do is we don't have time to deal with these beliefs or these thoughts, and so we got this underlying fear that we're disconnected or something, that our job is in jeopardy or whatever, and we just don't write it down or figure it out and then it just stays there. And then another fear shows up like I'm selfish, and then that one stays there that my daughter's not going to like me and all these other fears, and they just compound. And all of a sudden, you just find out that you're anxious. You're like I don't know why, but I've got anxiety. Well, it's because you've been ignoring every single fear and not dealing with it and then taking appropriate action. The fear is helpful and um, but we have to figure it out and we have to figure out what it wants us to do. It's it's not there to harm us, it's there to help us. So those are some big cornerstone beliefs for me that I was able to to figure out and turn around.
Speaker 2:I love the fact that, even with the we call them bad moods, they deliver. They're there to deliver something good and another thing that it's. It's not referenced exactly like this in the book, but it makes me refer back to a conversation I had with Chris Doris, who is the mental toughness coach, works with a lot of PGA athletes and mentioned Byron Katie's work to me. Chris, in his mental toughness mantras, says it ain't bad, it is. You know, life is like it's just, life just is. And from there, you know, we, we choose our state or we work towards our state.
Speaker 2:There's eight bad moods. What do you do to ensure that the good moods stay on top and the good moods stay winning and we keep the bad moods out of play? It doesn't mean the bad moods are never going to come into play. You mentioned that they came into play this morning, but we can also feed. From what I interpret this work to be, we can feed the good moods a heck of a lot more and stay on top. So what's some context you can provide there to keep the good moods flowing and ignited more than our bad moods?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'll finish with the journal process, because that it's we become the things we do repeatedly. And uh, step three on my journal process once I come up with any negative thoughts if there are any, and then reframe them is I write down three things I win at, three things from the day before that were wins, and usually I end up with four or five, but some days I've struggled to come up with three things that I did well the day before. But this is a really powerful process because again it goes back to that guilt this I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough. Once we start to and that's coming from a powerful place too because our mind is like do more, do more, do more. It'll be helpful for you, you'll survive more, you'll stack more money and if anything happens, you'll have money and you can pay for it. You'll be and you'll be okay.
Speaker 1:So it's not trying to hurt us, but what? What it does is the mind's always looking at what are we not doing right so we could fix it, because it needs to be fixed. But what it doesn't do, this is super crazy man. It doesn't tell us what is going well unless we ask it. And we have to ask it what is going well? Consciously, because if it's going well, like, go back to us living in tribes in the Savannah If it was going well, we didn't need to spend energy on it, because it took all of our energy to go, get food and survive and not do things wrong or not get kicked out of the tribe or not say the wrong thing. So the brain only spent its energy on what wasn't going well, because if it was going well, great, you got that covered, I don't need energy on it. Well now, dude, grocery store has all the food we need, we're all living, we're all surviving. We don't need to be that vigilant over survival at this moment, and so we have to feed our brain with positivity, and I do that by writing down three things that went well the day before. This doesn't seem like it's a big deal, but it changes everything. What happens is throughout the day.
Speaker 1:My mind now keeps an open file for what I'm doing right, because it knows it has to collect what I'm doing right and keep it in stored memory so that the next day it doesn't take me too long to figure out what I did right the day before. Well then, it's like in the moment that I did something right, it's like, oh, you just did that right. And I'm like, heck, yeah, I did. And I get this hit of dopamine that I feel good about it. The next day when I write it down, I get the hit of dopamine again and I feel good about it, get the hit of dopamine again and I feel good about it. And then, instead of seeing everything that everyone's doing wrong, I start to see everything everyone's doing right. I'm like, oh, they're doing that right and they're doing that right, and they're doing that right. And I start affirming how great everybody is and they're like, oh man, thank you, and it's not like BS, because I actually am noticing what they're doing right and I'm excited about it because I've trained my mind to be excited about what's going right. And then they feel really good. And then they turn around, they treat me really good, and then all my relationships are flourishing and I'm like it's just this huge upward spiral, all from just writing down three things you did well the day before. So super powerful habit, and it is probably the cornerstone for me of why I'm such a positive person right now.
Speaker 1:The last two things I do on this five-step process is, I do write down three brand new things I'm grateful for three things I've never written before. And it's the same concept. Gratitude can become a chore if it's like oh okay, I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for my kids, I'm grateful for our health. Well then, it's just boring and rote. But I wait in the morning and I'm like what are three new things I'm grateful for? I've been doing this for like 13 years, every single day. I don't know how many days that is, but it sounds like a lot Like 40,000 days times three 120,000 new things. I've had to find 120,000 new things I'm grateful for.
Speaker 1:You would think after the first thousand you would run out right. But then you find out you can actually be grateful for every single thing the challenges, the things that didn't go right, the smile somebody gave you the day before, the fact that you were up late helping your daughter with cheerleading. You could just be grateful for all of it. And you're like, wow, this habit now makes you grateful for all of life. And, as you started this episode out, gratitude is the gateway to all positivity.
Speaker 1:And then I end the fifth step, and I got this from Tony Robbins' priming and I write down actually this came originally. It came from Grant Cardone and I can't remember which book, but he said write your goals, your top life goals, as if they're already achieved, until they're achieved every day. And I started doing that. I think it was this first book, the 10X Rule, that I read that in, and I started to just write my top goals as if they were achieved, every single day, until they were achieved. I haven't stopped, because what happened is everything I started to write down every day came true, and I'm like this might be the cheat code to have anything I want in life come true and guess what it is. So if there's anything I want, I wrote down every single day.
Speaker 1:I write a bestselling book. I wrote it down every day for four years because when I first started to write it I didn't believe it. Like who would want to read a book about happiness from a guy that runs a real estate company? There was so much imposter syndrome. But then I wrote it down four years, every single day for four years, again, 1,200 times, I write a bestselling book on my page. Then the book hit in December and was a bestseller in seven different categories on Amazon and was the first book to a hundred reviews, like the fastest book to a hundred reviews in Forbes history. And it was. Is it because I wrote it down a million times? You bet your butt Like it was because I wrote it down all those times. So I end my journal process by writing my top three life goals as if they're already achieved. Until they're achieved.
Speaker 2:Greatness happens twice. It happens in your mind first, and then in reality. And if we can't see the thing whether it's the bestselling book or the family that we ultimately envision, the sub three hour marathon, whatever If you can't see it upstairs in your mind, then you're likely not going to see it right in front of your very eyes because you're not awake to the possibilities. Was there a certain turning point along the journey of writing? I wrote a bestselling book for four years that you start to actually believe it. Like you mentioned, imposter syndrome, Was it okay? Maybe the first week you're like man, this is BS, there's no way. And then was it coupled?
Speaker 2:with something, I would imagine, a series of actions, maybe when you actually first started writing the book that you're like huh, you know what? No, I can do this, I am doing this. What did that look like?
Speaker 1:I wrote it every day for a year with nothing, no action. I didn't even know what the book was going to be about and I was just. I was a CEO of a like, like, massively growing company, with three babies and a new marriage, and I was trying to hold it all together. And yet I had this vision I write this bestselling book. And it just wasn't. But I continued to write it down because it was important to me. But I wasn't believing. I'm like, yeah, maybe when I'm 50, like it'll show up someday.
Speaker 1:And then I went to a business conference in Colorado and I'm going skiing with my buddies and this dude comes up and he's like, oh, hey, man, I'll jump in with you guys. And he gets on the lift and he's sitting next to me and it's a four times New York Times bestselling author, a guy named Tucker Max. And I had read Tucker's books when I was in college. They were crude and funny and we would listen to the audio CDs, driving the string break and stuff, and I knew who he was. I was like, oh, dude, man, your books are so funny. He said, oh, yeah, I appreciate it. I've changed a lot since then. I said, okay, cool man. I'm like what are you doing now? He said well, now I help authors publish their books. And I said that's crazy. I'm supposed to write a book. And he said tell me about your book. And I gave him a vague idea, because at this point I'd been writing it for a year that I write this bestselling book. I said it's going to be about how to not be in a bad mood. And he said I want to read that book. And he said you should get in touch with my company. And he gave me the contact information and that's what I did. I reached out to his company and they needed like $17,000, which was, you know, it's a big sum of money. And I'm like I had written down I write a bestselling book so many times.
Speaker 1:And then the encounter with this guy who helps people write books on a chairlift randomly Didn't feel random. It felt like divine guidance, and so I committed On the call. I said here's $17,000. And I gave them this huge chunk of money and then I don't know if I talked to Katie first or not, but either way, I was so committed because I had written the goal so many times, that then I was ready for the opportunity when it showed up and they had a process and their process was amazing about how to write a book if you've never written a book, so that it's going to be good.
Speaker 1:And I got on a call with Tucker and he said, matt, if your book sucks, it's going to hurt you, so your book can't suck. It's going to hurt you, so your book can't suck. That put a lot of pressure on me, but it was also good for me. So I spent four years writing it. It took me four years because I wrote it probably seven different times. Every chapter was reworked at least seven times. It ended up being 500 pages and through the process of rewriting and editing I got it down to 165 pages of the most powerful stuff. And that was based on Tucker's comment to me if you write a bad book, it's going to hurt you. And writing a really good book takes a ton of effort, and so I just put in a ton of effort and this is a great book, matt, and it's a masterclass.
Speaker 2:Matt, what do you wish to ignite with the Good Mood Revolution and I use ignite intentionally this time, because it's right there on the cover of the book and you make reference to the match that is not only on the front cover, but on the chapter pages. What is Good Mood Revolution intended to ignite in the lives and minds of readers?
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, it's a revolution because we've got the, we've got these, we got the negative piece right, we've got this piece of us that that believes all these negative thoughts and and and then. But we don't want to stay there, and so it's almost like a battle within ourselves to find the positivity. But what I want to like, my big vision of it right now, is uh, I want to, I want to help the world be happier, and you can only do that with you. Know I.
Speaker 1:I could say that's already accomplished because people every single week are writing me and telling me that they've become happier. So I've got a quantifiable goal I want to help, um, I want to have 100,000 engaged YouTube subscribers that I'm helping live a happier life, and that's the vision right now. I want to ignite happiness in 100,000 people's lives in an engaged, regular way, because I figure that's a big round number. It's also a number I wrote down four years ago, when I started writing the book, on a piece of paper that I would have 100,000 people that were following me and feeling better about this thing. But man, think about those 100,000 people know people, and then those people know people and those people know people. The whole world can become happier.
Speaker 2:if you've affected other people, world can become happier if you, if you've affected other people. And Matt, how do we best support you along that journey? And obviously subscribe to the YouTube channel, but what are the other ways that we can be of best support and service to you and your mission?
Speaker 1:Man, you're doing it, bro. Just your friendship means the world to me. Man, you're somebody that inspires the heck out of me and I'm excited for everything you're doing. It, bro. Just your friendship means the world to me. Man, you're somebody that inspires the heck out of me and I'm excited for everything you're doing on your work making the world more focused and more disciplined and understanding that they can accomplish anything that they think that they can accomplish. That message is really powerful and it's really needed. I appreciate your friendship.
Speaker 2:I'm encouraging everyone to keep up with Matt and buy Good Mood Revolution.
Speaker 2:Listen to Good Mood Revolution anywhere that you have podcasts, but preferably on YouTube, matt, it's customary to end the podcast with a rapid fire session, and the way this works is we're going to have lunch at a cool rooftop in Charleston and we're going up three elevator floors and a person is going to step in an elevator and go up one floor and they recognize you, they've read the book, they've listened to the pod and they're going to ask you one question. So the amount of time you have to answer is the amount of time it takes to go up one elevator, one elevator floor. So if you're ready, then here we go. This is one gem, one step, one book. So we get on. Someone hops on with us. They say Matt man.
Speaker 2:I've read Good Mid-Revolution. It's such a great book. What's one gem that you have, whether it be a quote or a mantra that you live your life by, that I can put in my back pocket and live my life by?
Speaker 1:I can put in my back pocket and live my life by. Yeah, you want to love yourself every moment that you can and whenever possible. When you're looking at someone or talking with someone, picture them surrounded by love as well.
Speaker 2:That person just got off and another person hopped on Matt. I love Good Moon Revolution. Another person hopped on Matt. I love good mood revolution. What's one step that I can take today to achieve a good mood in my life?
Speaker 1:The easiest step is gratitude, and it has to be a ritual, it has to be a habit. So we usually eat three times a day. I recommend just saying a quick prayer before your meal and saying thank you for this meal, thank you for this life, thank you for everything that I have going for me, amen. And then we start to eat, and it's everyone eats and we eat multiple times a day. This takes a few seconds and you were anchoring this gratitude habit to something you already do.
Speaker 2:Going back to the beginning, gratitude is the gateway to good mood. The last one, which may be the most difficult for someone that's as well-read as you, matt. What's one book, in addition to Good Mood Revolution, that we should read in 2025 to improve our mindsets?
Speaker 1:I love the surrender experiment. In that book Michael Singer tells his life story about how everything that was happening to him that he didn't like he knew was sent by a higher power, kind of like Tucker Max getting on that ski lift with me. The book ends with him going through the most excruciating thing that he could imagine and again it was sent to him to help him. He was in Charleston, south Carolina. Actually the Supreme Court of the United States was sentencing him to a life in prison because he had been framed. His company was WebMD. He had been framed for embezzling money by one of his employees and while he was waiting for his sentence it was like a four or five year trial. He lost his company. He had built it from his own garage. It was worth billions of dollars that had been taken from him.
Speaker 1:They had seized all of his assets and uh and he wrote the book the untethered soul, which has changed the lives of millions of people at this point and helped them live happier. And uh, that's the point of the surrender experiment. Is that everything that's happening to you in your life is not happening to you.
Speaker 2:Things don't happen to us, they happen for us and that's a first time this book has been recommended on the pod, so appreciate that we could add that into the repository matt. It's been such an amazing conversation and thank you for how you choose to serve the world and for how you're serving the world, your family, being an inspiration and igniting a good mood, revolution, so that we can experience our best selves and win today. Thanks so much you.
_pp.JPG)