Ever found yourself wondering about the deeper meaning of happiness and how to truly achieve it? Join us as we chat with Martin O'Toole, author of How To Die Happy. Martin offers us a fresh, insightful journey on how to navigate through life’s most challenging obstacles to finding true, lasting happiness. The only thing that's certain about life is that it's not permanent, and Martin teaches us how to build a positive relationship with that.
From a moment of bleak despair to a journey of self-realization, Martin's story is nothing short of inspiring. As he fearlessly recounts his struggles with alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness, you can't help but marvel at his resilience. Martin provides an honest account of how he mastered the art of forgiveness and gratitude, and how these powerful tools transformed his life, ultimately leading him to a profound understanding of his own happiness.
Martin's insights into the often overlooked connection between mortality and gratitude is thought-provoking. He invites us to contemplate our regrets if we had only five minutes left to live. It's a daunting thought, but Martin’s perspective is a reminder that our time is precious, and we should strive to make the most of it. He even shares his experience with meditation and psychedelics as tools for unlocking inner transformation.
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How To Die Happy - Book
How To Die Happy Podcast
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
Ever found yourself wondering about the deeper meaning of happiness and how to truly achieve it? Join us as we chat with Martin O'Toole, author of How To Die Happy. Martin offers us a fresh, insightful journey on how to navigate through life’s most challenging obstacles to finding true, lasting happiness. The only thing that's certain about life is that it's not permanent, and Martin teaches us how to build a positive relationship with that.
From a moment of bleak despair to a journey of self-realization, Martin's story is nothing short of inspiring. As he fearlessly recounts his struggles with alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness, you can't help but marvel at his resilience. Martin provides an honest account of how he mastered the art of forgiveness and gratitude, and how these powerful tools transformed his life, ultimately leading him to a profound understanding of his own happiness.
Martin's insights into the often overlooked connection between mortality and gratitude is thought-provoking. He invites us to contemplate our regrets if we had only five minutes left to live. It's a daunting thought, but Martin’s perspective is a reminder that our time is precious, and we should strive to make the most of it. He even shares his experience with meditation and psychedelics as tools for unlocking inner transformation.
Connect With Martin!
Website
Social
How To Die Happy - Book
How To Die Happy Podcast
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
If you've just gone to all the trouble to mindfully consider all of these regrets of action and inaction, these shameful things that you wish you could undo in some way, shape or form a relationship with an alcoholic parent, for example, that's become disparate, and and you wish you could go back and at least Put some foundations in place to rebuild that broken relationship. And and then you realize you've got more time. Well, what are you gonna do with it? And this is the premise for for how this book begins to invite people to consider the story of death and its inherent, intrinsic relationship with life.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the win today podcast, a weekly tool Intentionally crafted to help people enhance performance, feel inspired and conquer life. Our commitment is that you would learn from some of the most disciplined, heartwarming and inspiring people on the globe, in addition to receiving a piece of a winning playbook from myself or Renowned expert in their field. My name is Ryan Cass and I'm your host, and it is my purpose in this world to inspire people to Establish a foundation for sustained success by developing systems that will enable you to accomplish your goals, break systemic trends of adversity and chart a desirable course for life. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please help us achieve our vision of becoming one of the top podcasts in the world by Subscribing to the show, sharing it with somebody who you believe will benefit from it and leaving a review. Let's connect with our guest.
Speaker 2:I Swayed due to being so pissed and heavy with sadness as I tried to settle, with the gun pointed squarely at my forehead. Darkness and silence crept around me like an insidious influence and Suddenly hinges creaked, letting light in as the doors and slowly and slightly opened, my furry friend ambled in. Macy had watched me Sculpe off into the lounge with a bottle and a gun had heard me sobbing, mumbling and spitting obscenities, apparently at no one, clearly disapproving of my plan, she walked in, plonked herself next to the gun and looked up at me. I don't know whether it was a don't do it look or what's for dinner. Perhaps it was both Either way. When I looked down at that little sandwich nose, I immediately moved the gun away from my face, broke the barrel, unloaded it and placed it down. Safety first. I whispered to her, nervously, chuckling through snot in tears.
Speaker 2:That's an excerpt from an absolute masterclass book, how to die happy, and we have the author here with us today, martin O'Toole, who is is ultimately, I experience him as a is a reinvention specialist and a writer, incredible author and host of the how to die happy Podcast. Martin, welcome to the show, brother. Hey, ryan, thanks for having me, and very well read. It's an honor to have you on and we share a lot in common, and Just a discussion we were having prior to hitting record likely could have served as a mini podcast episode Before we dive in. Martin, what I love to understand about people like you is that we can read so much about you, what in the form of your book and your bio and your resume and features that you've created for other organizations. But beyond that, what is something that we can't read about you, that wouldn't be as easily accessible, that Really fulfills you, and and why? Oh?
Speaker 1:Do you know? That's a? That's a more difficult question that you than you might imagine, because I have, over the last few years, spent significant time writing about my innermost secrets, my shadow, my dark side and the things that I've done. So, as a result, there aren't that many secrets. In fact, there aren't any secrets, I don't think. If you, if you, if you cross-reference my writing with podcast appearances and our own podcast, I suppose, on a on a light note, one, one thing that people won't know is that I've just taken up playing the African Gem Bay drum. Hmm, which I'm not sure has much relevance to to mental health or the content in this podcast, but I just bought a beautiful Handmade African drum two weeks ago, so I started to to learn how to play that, which I suppose in itself is a meditation at least.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. I was about to suggest that it would occur to me as an activity that may allow you to release or Be at peace. So it is. It is a mental health instrument, and I love asking that question, because there's always something just so interesting that comes out and it makes someone think sometimes like hey, what you said is I'm literally an open book. That's, that is what this book is, guys. It truly is an open book about Martin's life and experiences. But you know, there's there's there's little gems in there that are little gems that aren't in here, like such as what you mentioned. That is really interesting, and now I'm Painting a picture in my head of what does this drum look like, what does it sound like? I want to research it. And how neat you just painted a picture for us. Look at that.
Speaker 1:My pleasure. Well, if you're looking for it is DJ MBE Jim Bay. It's from West Africa.
Speaker 2:I'm a we opened the book, we opened this interview rather with an excerpt from your book and a dog that is responsible for you being here right now. So let's go back in time and let's unpack a little bit of Martin O'Toole pre the one that is sitting here in front of me today and that people are listening to, and those moments that led up to Staring at a shotgun in the face, and Then what we're gonna do is really unpack how did we go from that to where we are now?
Speaker 1:Okay, it's a roller coaster story. Where does one begin when, when one starts to talk about one's life story, one has to constantly Pull back, pulling the reins? I suppose, although I've, having tried to do some of that work in the book and in various other spots, I managed to truncate the tail, so to speak. I was born into, as you know, I was born into, an alcoholic family. My mom was a massive drinker, she was a high-functioning alcoholic, she was a teacher and, as you also know, growing up as a small child in that kind of environment is absolutely insane. And as a small person, you see, you hear, you feel things that a child ought Never to experience. And If you are lucky, you survive, and If you're even luckier, you you thrive.
Speaker 1:But I use the word in this context, with air quotes, because some of us, having survived trauma, ptsd, view light, are able to appear to be successful and appear to be Regular people, but in fact we're not, and and I was one of those people. So so, on the face of it, people thought I was a Really easygoing, successful advertising executive, charming, popular, so on and so forth. But I had a. I had a real dark side, and of course we all do. We all have a shadow, but? But mine was born from being this broken little boy who was never taught how to regulate his emotions, who was never really taught what healthy emotions in response to events were and should be. So I grew into this, this man who, on the one hand, was was doing incredibly well in business, but then, on the other hand, not, because my partnerships would Flourish and then implode due to my self-sabotage and behavior. My romantic relationships would flourish and then implode. My friendships would do the same, and it never occurred to me for many, many, many, many years that it was, that I was the common denominator in all of this, and and despite actually finally looking over my shoulder, metaphorically speaking, and Witnessing the scorched earth landscape and the spilt milk under the burnt bridges all over this landscape, it took me 40 years To realize that I was the center of this problem and actually, that it wasn't everybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now it's important to point out of this at this juncture that, while I went through an Absolutely transformative process of self-realization because that's what we're talking about here and, and then, of course, accepting Responsibility for everything I'd done owning my bullshit, if I may swear on your podcast, I but, but it's really the only word to use owning that and then stepping into that and really, and sitting in the, the, the white, hot, searing pain of my, of the things that I'd done and caused, because the realization was that I wasn't the only person responsible for these events. We, we, we all must accept co-responsibility, whether we're persecutors in a drama or we're victims in a drama. So, yeah, so that's really truncated the story to the point where, in 2015, I was Very, very unhappy for many, many reasons my mum had died, my alcoholic mother had died. In many ways, this was the best thing that happened to me, and they don't wish that to sound callous. So perhaps it's worth explaining briefly when parent dies, it is, or perhaps a sibling it's, the it's.
Speaker 1:It's a crunch moment for a lot of us where suddenly that realization of impermanence really does punch us in the face. That that realization that we've had a relationship with a person up to a point, from a point to a point where our choices, words, our actions got us from a to z or a to a to p, let's say they didn't live all a whole, a whole life, and Then it's, it's over, and Then we can't progress that relationship, we can't return to that relationship, we can't pick up the pieces of where that relationship may have been shattered. We can't apologize, we can't accept responsibility. We can't tell that person that we love them. We can't tell that person that we're sorry with it, that we held a grudge, excuse me. We can't tell that person that we realize, in the end, a lot of the, the individualistic, egoic nonsense that was the, the bubbled and exploded between us for all of those years, actually Really didn't matter when it comes down to the matter of life and death. And so when my mom died, that's exactly what happened to me.
Speaker 1:I'd had this Tempestuous relationship with this woman who, despite Not being a great mother because of her alcoholism, was, of course, another human being in pain, was doing the best she could with the tools she had available that were handed down to her from a couple of other people her parents, and and then she was dead and I wasn't able to To any, to ever have any of these really meaningful conversations. So, because I wasn't mindful, because I wasn't on this path, I was. I was actually a raving alcoholic and I didn't realize I was an alcoholic or a cocaine addict or a sex addict. I Just thought I partied, I worked hard, I partied hard, this was normal and and of course, culture has some part to play in this, because our Western cultures normalizes heavy drinking, normalizes Parting, normalizes, normalizes mistreatment of our body, normalizes self-harm, in fact.
Speaker 1:So when she died, I went through this whole process of shame and regret and that started to to bring other subconscious, unconscious memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions to the surface, and was also under investigation at the time for money laundering, tax evasion and fraud by the British government. It's quite a big deal and If I was ever charged and famed guilty I would, I would spend ten years in prison. So I had all of that, the weight of that, on my shoulders at the same time. I was never charged, incidentally, but the way I was treated by those people was and they they knew that I was suffering from mental illness as well Was absolutely abhorrent.
Speaker 1:So I got, I got to that that lowest point and for anybody listening, who Knows what depression is, knows what true depression is. I was, I was in that swirling vortex in the plug hole. I couldn't control the flow, I couldn't control the, the velocity. I was just going down, down, down, down, down and the voices in my head were incessant and they were negative and Everything was telling me You've, you've ruined it, you've made so many mistakes, there's no coming back from this. You have absolutely fucked it up and the best thing you can do for everyone concerned, including yourself, is to end your own life.
Speaker 1:And the dog taught me out of it and she, she was my best friend then and we went on to have an incredible relationship. I don't know how old she was then, can't think probably two, maybe three to. She lived until she was six and a half. So we we had an incredible journey after that, and actually a literal incredible journey, because when I had my One of a, one of a couple of major epiphany moments, I sold and gave away everything I owned Flows down, my, my creative agency in London and by the time I'd packed everything up, we were in this white apartment in South London. It was just me, two bags and that beagle, and the next day we flew to Bali for for an adventure in a journey of transformation.
Speaker 2:Wow and there's so much to Uncover there and I Appreciate all the context you provided, martin and I, and I also appreciate that you and I can relate in that the genesis rather a strong influence behind a lot of what we do is driven by the fact that we come up through alcoholic households. And I remember when I was going through and I believe what I'm what I'm hearing you say is that you are upset that these things were occurring in your household at the time and Probably Wished and wanted and did whatever you could or attempted to persuade your mom at multiple times Stop drinking, don't do this. This is bad. Look what this is doing to our household and to our family and you're impacting far more than just your own life by these actions.
Speaker 2:These were similar conversations that I had with my father when I was younger and I was incredibly angry at the world and my way of coping. Before I discovered this world of personal development and way of being and discipline and the power that has on your life, and before I found running, I would go to breaking things and being destructive and thought that that was my release and all it would really do is provide very short-term relief and then almost create some meta cognition like I'm mad that I got mad, this meta thinking and man, but to think that for someone like you that had dug very deep in the hole and you're about to do it that a dog walks in the room, do you consider that fate? How do you view that moment in time?
Speaker 1:Well, as I say in this book, I believe that dogs are angels in fur coats.
Speaker 2:I love that they are.
Speaker 1:You've got to get a little bit metaphysical with me if you're going to go along for the ride with this book. As you've seen Although I also do keep a lot of it rooted, in fact, in psychology and in spiritual teachings and, of course, science I believe that dogs are one of those creatures on this planet that are a server and another purpose other than just being just. The same way, I believe we serve another purpose on this planet other than just being meat soups, wandering around, consuming, distracting ourselves, working, eating, sleeping, fucking, paying tax and repeating the whole thing. I don't believe that. That's why we're here. So, yeah, I think when that happened, when Macy walked in the room, I think that was a little message, a little feedback loop, if you like, from the universe to want a better expression, to say you don't have to do this. You do have choices and we fully appreciate the right. Now you can't see any of those choices. So how about we just focus on this one example of unconditional love, and that's what Macy taught me unconditional love and I'm sure dog owners listening to this or watching this will resonate with that, because I think one of the many things an animal can teach us is unconditional love. So I took that lesson. When I grabbed it, I think I was desperate for it.
Speaker 1:And now obviously there's a fire. Anybody familiar with firearms you would know for well. You never, ever, ever point a gun anywhere, even if you know it's not loaded, it's just ingrained. So to mindfully load it, to point it at my face, these are two things you do not do unless you have an intention to harm. And thankfully she did talk me out of it and I. Then I began therapy. It wasn't actually that therapy was the beginning of the work. It was great therapy and I credit Michael, my former therapist in the book as well for his phenomenal work helping me in realizing some things. But I was still a drunken, I was still an alcoholic, I was still a drug addict and I lied to him, but then as I should. Research shows that 90 plus percent of us lie to our therapists, which is amusing to us and depressing to therapists.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, I did not know that stat, but it doesn't occur as a surprise to me and you know, martin. So you step foot in Bali. This Macy saves your life, ultimately demonstrates unconditional love to you, teaches you something in this moment you get to Bali, you start working on yourself. You know, was there a particular moment in time where you were able to then view the events of your childhood is and all of the events that transpired with your mother's alcoholism? Was there a point in time that you could then see it as something that happened for you versus, in those moments, something that happened to you?
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I've gone through that whole, the entire process which I now refer to as the anatomy of happy to the point of forgiveness and love for anyone who has caused me harm, knowingly or unknowingly. My journey to through this was was was a little bit of a meander, because I had a huge realization through I was. I got so drunk one day in around 2018, I think it was where I blacked out. I woke up the next day make it a short story and my knee was absolutely in absolute agony. The hotel room I was staying in was smashed to bits and I had a huge presentation to clients that morning. The laptop I was using to present was also smashed to bits and I realized that actually I'd use that on the walls in the hotel in some drunken rage to to help me destroy the hotel room. So I had to lie through my back teeth and limp through that whole thing.
Speaker 1:Then I had a ski holiday, snowboarding holiday two weeks later, which, of course, I couldn't do, so I went on holiday with it with my partner at the time. She skied every day. I couldn't ride because my knee was seriously damaged later transpired I'd torn the meniscus, which is actually quite a big injury and I drank every day on that holiday and in Austria, at high altitude, you're drinking strong beer that goes to your head quicker. So I was blind drunk every day of that holiday and, of course, I was horrible to be around. We rowed a lot and on the last day of that holiday, my partner came whizzing down the slopes and she walked into the bar. I saw a sense of dread from her, realizing I'd had a skin full of alcohol, and I put this glass down and I said that's the last drink I'm ever going to have. And of course, she was cynical and of course I was cynical, and everyone around me was certainly cynical because they knew that I was a big drinker. So that was February the 8th, 2018, february the 9th, and I've never had another drink since. So I'm coming up on six years sober in February.
Speaker 1:Congratulations, thank you, brother, thanks, and that is a big deal for anyone who suffers with substances to get that stuff out of you, to get it out of your mind, to get it out of your body, to really cleanse yourself physiologically. It's a huge, huge deal and I often think it's underrated. People don't fully appreciate that if you are the moment you clean your body and this is really the stuff we should be doing. First, you know, moving cleansing, considering what we're consuming. Then we, then we. It has a huge impact on our mental health.
Speaker 1:So I was a year sober and I was invited to to work with something called ayahuasca, which is a very potent psychedelic medicine which you may have heard of. Now there are, obviously, thanks to decades of propaganda through from the media and government, there are lots of scary stories about these, these medicines. But, as you've probably gathered and people listening will now know, there has been an absolute explosion in the psychedelic renaissance and many, many states and cities in the US are now decriminalizing them. Other countries are decriminalizing them and we're working towards, finally, the point where these medicines and they are medicines, they're not drugs will be signed off and approved for use for to help people with mental illness. Now I will get stuck into the politics of all of that. There's no point in this conversation.
Speaker 1:But I worked with that medicine for a weekend and it's safe to say that that cured my addiction. I was already sober, but I was actually in the throes of another nervous breakdown. I was still feeling very unhappy in my skin, very depressed, very unhappy in my company. I just didn't fit in. So I was really struggling with depression and burnout and I absolutely credit those medicines for healing my addiction. Working with those medicines since, working with yoga, meditation, breath work, sound healing exercise, a change of lifestyle, a change of location, all of those things gave me the ability to begin the work.
Speaker 1:So when I came to Bali, I spent the best part of a year not doing any work, work, just the work. I fully appreciate that's a blessing, and not all of us can say, all right, I've got enough money now to take some time off. I'm not a wealthy man, by the way, and many people would have said you should use the money that you've got to plan out this plan, a more secure future. But I decided that my future was best set with me doing the work and fixing myself. So that's what I did.
Speaker 1:As Joseph Campbell said, the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek In that isolation. I did the work, all of it from the shadow work, really facing my inner demons, facing my all of the things that I'd done, the things that I'd said, the things that I told myself I hadn't done and I hadn't said, the repressed, the suppressed, the subconscious, unconscious things that had been buried, events from my childhood. I let it all bubble up, using various modalities and meditation, and I got to the point where I could not only forgive it but let go of it. Of course, the two are really the same, but people often misunderstand the concept of forgiveness.
Speaker 1:Many of us feel as if forgiveness is about the other person. I will never forgive that person is something that we say, isn't it? They don't deserve to be forgiven, they don't deserve forgiveness. Well, respectfully, anyone with that attitude has got it wrong, or at least from my perspective, from a perspective.
Speaker 1:The alternative perspective is that when we don't forgive, we're holding on to something and, as the Buddha said, you're holding on to a hot coal. Who's the one being hurt as I hold that hot coal? It's not the person who I have this animosity towards, because likely they don't even know, likely they don't care, they may well have even forgotten about the things that they did to me, because they're on their own journey of blindness, or a level of awareness at least. So that was a huge lesson for me understanding forgiveness, which is also part of this anatomy of happy that I talk about, because when I was then able to just let go of all of these things, let go of these grudges, these feelings of resentment towards my mom, towards my dad, towards other people in my life and towards myself. That's the big thing. Then, yeah, my life journey took a different tangent altogether.
Speaker 2:Man. That's so beautiful, Martin, and you're making me think of somebody I had on the podcast recently. His name is Koot Blackson and you may even be familiar with his work. If not, then I'll definitely connect you, the two of y'all, because you all have podcasts and a lot of what you're speaking aligns.
Speaker 2:He wrote a book called the Art of Surrender Similar in Surrender not being this oh, look at me, I give up, here's my white flag but Surrender ultimately being a release, and it made me think of forgiveness, that and not holding on to things that weigh us down and being able to ultimately let go and not be controlled by external stimuli. I'll never forget one of the best things that I did and what was a turning point for me was when I was 16 years, 16 years old, upset, angry at the world and angry at my dad, very angry at my dad and, by the way, my dad now, I say, is and he is he's been my greatest teacher, intentionally and unintentionally, and we have an amazing relationship, but I'll never forget it. That day we were driving and I just said, dad, I've thought a lot, I've been upset, I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming destructive and I'm doing a lot of what I've seen. You do, you know, break stuff and so on and so forth. And I said you know what, I forgive you.
Speaker 2:And from that point on, did it stop everything going on at home? No, but what it did in that moment, martin, is everything else that happened. From that point on, I was like it's gonna hit me and it's gonna bounce right off, versus before it would hit me and I would put it in the backpack, and it's weighing me down more and more and more and more, and I see forgiveness almost as a repellent as well. Is that a fair way to describe it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so. I think, if you think of protecting your own energy, for sure, and if you can learn to protect your energy, whatever that looks like is healthy, and so, therefore, if to forgive in that way works for you, absolutely it's a superpower, and obviously I talk about many things being a superpower. Ultimately, many things, many very obvious things that we can choose are superpowers which we overlook. Excuse me, we talked about gratitude before, before we began this podcast, and I'm sure we will again.
Speaker 1:Another incredible superpower let me clear my throat and say sorry and forgiveness is overlooked and underutilized as this incredible superpower, because we don't understand how much and use that lovely analogy of a backpack. Every time we have a grudge, we take it on, you put it in the backpack, or you used to put it in the backpack. We embody it, and that's the fundamental point. And actually, when you start to look into the science of this, as an incredible book called the Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Bandercock talks about this in great detail, talks about our somatic embodiment of trauma, and it goes into a great deal of detail around PTSD and how we're overlooking events that occur to us, that happen to us, and how we store that and we store that energy. Ultimately, there's the science to prove that when we are in a low vibrational state, when we're depressed, constantly depressed or constantly angry, or constantly in fight or flight of tense, stressed all of these emotions associated with holding on to negative thoughts and feelings we create a higher potential for inflammation in the body, and inflammation is the source of heart disease.
Speaker 1:Inflammation is the source of strokes, cancer. We can give ourselves cancer. We do and are frequently giving ourselves cancer just through our lack of emotional regulation. So, yeah, I mean whatever you need to do, to do it. If it's repelling, if it's breathing, whatever the modality is that you use. Forgiveness is a superpower that I fully endorse and recommend that we all need to take on board. More importantly than that, if anyone listening to this episode is remotely interested in not just attaining but sustaining the concept of true, everlasting happiness, you have to learn how to forgive. You can't skip it. You've got to do it. It's part of the process.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And I think that once anyone takes that step and does it the first time, after that I wouldn't say it becomes the easiest thing in the world. But it's like how do you build muscle memory? You perform reps, you perform repetitions.
Speaker 2:And after that moment, with forgiving my father, I went on through life and thought that at the time I had life figured out. I was living in St Louis, just graduated college and was living with the woman that was dating through college and figured out stars are aligning, got the nice corporate job, she's in graduate school. We've got it all figured out. We already know or at least I think I know what next steps are likely gonna be. And all of a sudden she disappeared, like literally I'm cutting a lot of the details out but said she was gonna be coming home a certain day after a six week vacation. And I came home and everything was cleared out.
Speaker 2:And in that moment it hit me. But again, having built that forgiveness muscle, I reached out to her not long after and just said do you know what? I wish you the best and thank you for making me a better man. And if I saw her today? If I saw her today, I would say how are you doing? And I wish you well and you're responsible in part for this way of being, and it's so much I smile saying that because I can look at that as you know what. That was just a teaching moment, and I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I all know that, and every time I hear anybody using language like that, it always makes me so, if I may, without sounding patronized. It makes me so proud. You know, I'm proud of you, even though I don't know you, for making that kind of transition, because it's very difficult for so many of us to do that and it breaks my heart that it's so difficult for people to do that, Because this transition in thinking is the fulcrum point of life-changing stuff it really is. It's that idea that instead of asking yourself why is this happening to me, you reframe it and say what is this teaching me? That's not to say that you discount your emotions or you suppress how you feel about the thing.
Speaker 1:Excuse me, we are still humans, have any human experience, we have an emotional system. There is a process that we must go through, but one thing we are forgetting more and more and more. As humanity evolves and I'm using air quotes there because I believe in many ways we are devolving we are forgetting that we are not the voice in our head, we are not our emotions. Our emotions are a function, our ego is a function of mind and actually there is a higher consciousness within or around us whatever you wanna say, excuse me that can more mindfully master and command our emotions. So through doing that kind of work, through being more mindful, through changing the perspective from being victim or to see oneself as so separate from another you did that to me as opposed to you gave something to me. It's alchemy, and this is the sort of stuff I talk about a lot, and the course in the book, which is how you and I have ended up having this conversation in the first place. I love you and I feel like this is a great way.
Speaker 2:We're talking about how we can reframe things that have ultimately happened for us, and you also made reference to a chapter in the book. Our greatest superpower is real life. Our greatest superpower is gratitude. And as I think about what's another repellent that we can create in life beyond forgiveness, it's, in my view, pretty damn difficult to be controlled by any sort of external stimuli, whether it's someone cut you off or someone said something in a meeting or whatever. If you're in a constant state of gratitude, or if you're reflecting on what are three things I'm grateful for today, I see it as a way to set you up, at least in that moment, to fully enjoy it and put a smile on your face and see things you may not have. You've easily overlooked even the flowers, the birds chirping, everything. How do you embrace gratitude and how is that incorporated into your life? And ultimately, in that answer, I believe that's going to show us how can we utilize your best practices.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wonderful topic, one of my favorites, and a great question, thank you. Gratitude is a superpower and it's my I almost said weapon it's not the right choice of words, but it's my number one energy form that I utilize to raise my vibration, for want of a better expression. Some of us are fortunate enough to understand gratitude and to embody gratitude from day one. My partner's like that. She's a yogi, julia, and she hasn't had a traumatic childhood and all of the trimmings that go with that kind of upbringing. She was just born into this Zen body and way. Obviously she's got a story, as we all have, but she's grateful every day for everything, and I watch her and actually I'm grateful for her and her energy. That's one of the things I do quite often is look at the people for whom I am grateful every day. Some of us have to face real adversity and you can relate to this, no doubt to truly appreciate gratitude. In reality, gratitude is about realizing all of the things that you have, and some folks get lost in when I'm talking about things you have, I'm not talking about the car, the house, the clothing, the watch, the money in the bank. I'm talking about the more fundamental things we have, and it's only through for some of us at least, it's only through a loss that we can fully appreciate gratitude. I lost my mum, but of course she just died and that's a point to make, so it's a huge point I talk about all the time. We've to stop feeling surprised when people die, and we should probably stop using the phrase unexpected death as well, because there's one thing that's very sure in this world is death, and of course, all things in this universe are impermanent. But we don't have this realization that things are impermanent. We don't have this realization that everything that we have, be it a partner, a house, a car, a job, these eyes, they're all in a constant state of flux, they're in a state of change, they are impermanent. And as a result of not realizing that, we become attached to these things, we're attached to everything and we believe that all of this stuff, whatever it is in our lives, whether it's this podcast and equipment, this book, your podcast, my house, these eyes, these legs we believe that they are what make us, but ultimately they're really not. And so to truly understand gratitude, I think you've got to get into the matter of it and appreciate that loss is a part of life and in that realization, you understand to be grateful for the more fundamental things, and I love the list that you gave when you began this conversation. We were talking off camera before.
Speaker 1:You have a similar practice to me in the morning, I run or I walk because I have two dogs, and every morning I do my run or my walk and I take a moment to stop and I face the sun and I put my hand on my chest and I take seven deep breaths of gratitude and I'm grateful to the sun at that point. I'm grateful to the trees for the oxygen. I'm grateful for the place I'm in, you know, this beautiful island, bali. I'm grateful for my dogs. I'm grateful to myself for taking myself out to exercise every day, because I know from past experience that sometimes I haven't felt inclined to do that and as a result, of course, I've not been helping my body or mind. And I'm grateful for the breath in my lungs. I'm grateful for my existence, because being on this planet, every moment of every day gives me an opportunity to experience more, to learn more, to connect more. I mean, I'm grateful for this connection you and I are having right now, this conversation we're having, for which I am hopeful will inspire some people and help some people who may well who this might find just at the right moment. Perhaps one of your listeners right now is having suicidal ideas and perhaps this conversation might be the point of difference. So I'm grateful for all of those opportunities.
Speaker 1:Now I have to use grateful the word grateful a lot there, but I think the point is that is part of my practice and actually I share the same practices you, so, jules and I. Every day, we say to us, we say okay, what three things are you grateful for today, what three things do you appreciate about me and what three things do you desire today? And that's something we do every day. And if we're not obviously interacting because we're not together or whatever, then I'll do that myself and the point of that exercise is you can write it down if it helps. Obviously, gratitude journals are a great, really simple tool for people to use. The point of that is to just step into the present moment, forget all of the bullshit that's going on. Take my day yesterday I had a. I had the third of four root canal procedures yesterday On this tooth.
Speaker 2:Now, if I used to say root canal surgery is no fun.
Speaker 1:I now meditate during root canal, during my root canal procedures. So just to give you an idea of people say I can't meditate. Well, you can, and actually the more work you do you can, you can actually learn how to meditate while someone's drilling right into the root of your of your gum. But and I suppose I'm grateful for that as well, if I consider it so it's. It's a it's not just a daily practice, it's not an hourly practice, it's a moment by moment practice. And you're right, absolutely 100%. When you get to that level where you are embodying gratitude and mindfulness and presence and awareness of that presence, then not a lot can happen to you in a day that is going to derail you Beautiful.
Speaker 2:And I love the one you've mentioned. I'm saying gratitude a lot, but I think even the more you say it, the more you become it and the more that it becomes wired into our DNA. And ultimately, I love this, the the concept of we get to create our own neuro signature and we get to and we get to constantly alter it, improve it, refine it, take programs in, take programs out, find out what works best for us. But I would love just to be in a world that everybody's got this gratitude programmed in and imagine that. Imagine that right.
Speaker 2:And you know what and if and if to your point, martin, I believe that changing the world starts by just help one person, and maybe this does help that one listener become more grateful and prioritize gratitude. And you know, the more we say it, the more we become it. And with language we create. Everything in this world is created via, via language, whether it's spoken word or internal thought. That counts as language as well. Now, I thought we were going to cover this in the beginning, but just, I love how this conversation has evolved.
Speaker 2:I experience your book beyond just a masterclass which which it is, folks, and highly recommend y'all grab a copy of this but ultimately it shows us how to build a relationship with death, how to unlearn and how to reinvent. And when someone may hear, build a relationship with death. That may scare some people and I would love for you to create some context around. Why is it important that we build a relationship with death? It's clearly, it's inevitable, it's gonna happen to me, it's gonna happen to you, it's gonna happen to everybody listening, but we may not think, ah, yeah, I'll think about that next year. You know what I'll think about that when I'm old. Why is it important that we have a relationship with it now, hmm.
Speaker 1:Well, the book was originally so. How did I happy as a concept was born out of me, I think through discovering Buddhism and the Tibetan book of the dying and Sogyal Rinpoche's book, rinpoche's book, the Tibetan book of living and dying. Now, I'm not a Buddhist, but, as I say in my book, there is so much practical psychological mindfulness wisdom in Buddhism that you would be barmy not to investigate it. But then Buddhists don't really consider Buddhism as a religion anyway. They consider it as a philosophy. And when I started to dive into that wisdom, which, notably, is ancient, thousands of years old, it became patently obvious to me that the secret to dying well is in a life well lived.
Speaker 1:Hmm, now, the first, one of the first things I ask or invite the reader of how to die happy to do, is to imagine you've just been told you've got five minutes left to live. What would be on your list of regrets? Now you don't have five minutes to write the list. You can take as long as you like, take a day if needs be, but the point is in that you've a snapshot in time. Now you've got five minutes left, what are you going to do in those last five minutes? Sorry, that's not the challenge. What do you realize that you haven't done or said? So what is on that list of regrets?
Speaker 1:Now, for me, if you told me I'd five minutes left to live, I would smile, I'd give you a big hug, I would. I would turn to the sun, I would turn to the trees, the sitharism of the wind in the trees and the birds. I'd give all of that a big smile. I'd go and sit under a tree and I'd meditate with absolute, abundant gratitude for the incredible roller coaster journey of life lessons that I've had. I have done this work to write down that list of regrets. It was a lot longer than 10, I can tell you that it included things like I wish I'd said I'd love you more, I wish I had been my more authentic self, I wish I hadn't held onto grudges, I wish I'd realized that happiness was something I could have achieved a lot quicker. These are very common. These are common regrets that people have, incidentally, when challenged with this exercise. But the list goes on and the point of that exercise then is to say, okay, well, the great news is you have more than five minutes, or at least.
Speaker 2:I think you have more than five minutes, as we know right now yeah, exactly, you might go and switch to Kettle on and be electrocuted.
Speaker 1:You might walk out of the office after writing your list, get hit by a truck. Boom, that's it. It's the end and that's the fundamental point. If you've just gone to all the trouble to mindfully consider all of these regrets of action and inaction, these shameful things that you wish you could undo in some way, shape or form a relationship with an alcoholic parent, for example, that's become disparate and you wish you could go back and at least put some foundations in place to rebuild that broken relationship. And then you realize you've got more time. Well, what are you going to do with it? And this is the premise for how this book begins to invite people to consider the story of death and its inherent, intrinsic relationship with life.
Speaker 1:We in the West, anyway, treat death as this bizarre taboo, and people might hear me talking about death like this and say, oh, you're morbid. Well, the word morbid is defined as an unhealthy fixation on death. But is anything that I'm talking about unhealthy? Or actually, is it more unhealthy that we there's some people just blindly ignore the fact that they're going to die and blindly ignore that the fact that everybody in their life who they love is going to die. Because this is what's happening and it's happening wholesale all around the world. We've got people who refuse to look at death with love. Look at it as a teacher, because when you do reframe your perspective on death like this and you do say, okay, yeah, you are going to be the literal end of my life, you're going to be the literal end of that person's life, this person's life, so you've got something to teach me.
Speaker 1:And actually, well, here's the thing. One of the things you can teach me, of course, is gratitude, but one of the things you can also teach me is presence, and this is what the Buddhists talk about. So the Buddhists are essentially saying you must, to overcome suffering, you must master and embody the concept of impermanence, because attachment is the root of all suffering, said the Buddha. Now, attachment, as I've already alluded, is our unhealthy slinging to anything and everything in this life, and it's unhealthy because we are not taking into account the fact that all of those things are changing.
Speaker 1:Imagine if a car drove past fairly fast and you held onto the handle, the door handle. What's it going to do? The car's still going. It's going to rip your arm out of the socket, isn't it? Or it's going to drag you along, so you're holding onto something that is moving away and you're hurting yourself. So this is the diving into this lesson around death and around life, and understanding that we can be connected to things. We can be wholly appreciative and there's that gratitude word again and present and aware of these beautiful lessons and people and experiences that we have, but we also must be accepting of their inevitable end. Through that tapestry is where we get to become super, super grateful for the wonderful micro moments in life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love the question and the exercise and right there at the beginning of the book, where, if you have five minutes left to live, what are your regrets going to be? I actually asked my girlfriend that this morning as I was driving into the office. We will talk on the phone now. It's something I look forward to and actually, martin, I've asked her on the last couple phone calls what are you great for today? And that's been inspired by your work and I see that exercise and those questions is also. They're providing it's giving us an answer, or rather an opportunity of okay, well, god willing or universe willing, whatever you believe in, you are going to be around for that sixth minute and the seventh minute, the eighth minute, how would you want to be, or how would you rather be, living life right now, given that it could be ending in five minutes?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, Sorry, I interrupted you. Absolutely. Well, and that's the question. And then the challenge, of course, from there and this is something I challenge people within workshops and in how to die happy retreats the plan is to do the same there, to say, okay, well, so what are you going to do then? So we've got this list, now what's the action plan? And this is where the book invites you to start to consider this thing that I call the Anatomy of Happy.
Speaker 1:So the Anatomy of Happy is really a. It's a spiral process. It's not linear, because none of this stuff is linear. Healing isn't linear. You know, you can go. It's like snakes and ladders, isn't it? You can go five stages up and go, oh, and then something happens, or another little aspect of your subconscious subconscious comes back and triggers you and surprises you, just when you thought you'd got rid of that shit. Boom, your five stages down again. Okay, two steps up, oh no, I'm seven stages down.
Speaker 1:So the acceptance is quite important in the healing journey as well. But so the process is self-realization, unlearning, forgiveness, self-love and connection. And, if you like, if you imagine that that process is taking you on a spiral journey to the top of a hill. At the top of the hill, when you've done all of that really chunky, not fun, often not fun work, then at the top of the hill the challenge is the daily, the hourly, the minute, the minute by minute practice of what I call a Zen ven, and that's finding this wonderful balance between presence, acceptance, awareness and gratitude. So this is the process that I'm inviting people to embody and onboard and do it in. Do it using whichever modalities work for you, because that's the beautiful thing about this healing business. There are thousands of modalities available to us. So you got to really sit with whatever works for you, what is genuinely creating a sense of transformation for you.
Speaker 1:But you got to go through the process and it's hard. It's called the work for a reason. This is hard stuff and a lot of people don't want to do it right and, as you well know. So a lot of people write that list in their journal and then they turn over their page and then tomorrow they get back on with their bullshit. And of course, you know this damn iPhone and these computers and the computer game, and the alcohol and the drugs and the gambling and the sports and the metaverse and the distraction layered upon distraction, all of these myriad opportunities are available to us to procrastinate and put this stuff off. Ultimately, if we're not careful, spend a life wholly distracted from doing anything remotely meaningful and, as a result, missing out on an incredible lifetime. So this is the invitation, it's the challenge, if you like, but ultimately, you know it's not for me to force people to want to heal. They got to want to do it themselves.
Speaker 1:I think I say in the book I'm happy to plant the seeds, but I'm not going to water your garden. If they do write that list and they do, then say, shit, he's right, I'm going to die, or my mom or my daughter or my husband or my dad or my son actually they're all going to die. What's my relationship like with these people right now? What's my relationship with myself like right now and how does my relationship with me affect my relationship with everybody else? And this is why the first stage of the process is self-realization, which includes shadow work, which people will be familiar with no doubt.
Speaker 1:On your show I always say skipping shadow work is like skipping leg day at the gym you can't. And if you do and you proceed through the self whatever you want to call it personal development journey. You are on very shaky foundations and I will 100% guarantee that you're going to find yourself on that snakes and ladders scenario that I mentioned earlier on. We've got to start the beginning, and the beginning is the hard stuff. Know thyself, that's the challenge from the Greek philosophers. Know thyself, and you really must truly dig deep and sit with the good, the bad and the ugly to do that work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it is work, and I love the word that you use as well. This exercise, this process, is really an invitation to understanding and being aware of the opportunities that still exist in your life, and they still exist. Why? Because we're still here and we get to be here, and we get to be here for another five, six, seven minutes who knows how long but we get to be here, and it provides you a roadmap. I experience this as okay. If I ask myself that question, if I only had five minutes left to 8.03pm, right now, I'm going to die at 8.08. I can think of quite a few things. Okay, well, what am I going to do at 8.09? Am I just going to stare at that list or am I going to do something with it?
Speaker 1:Clear the calendar. Buddy, you've got a new schedule this is.
Speaker 2:But I was also thinking about how powerful this is because just last night I was driving home from getting fitted for a suit for one of my friend's weddings that's coming up and a motorcycle is right in front of me at the stop light Light turns green. We both turn left. I'm trailing behind him. He's speeding up a good bit and he's kind of joyriding a little bit and going pretty quick. And I noticed he had headphones in when we were at the stop light and I'm thinking that's probably not a good idea, not earplugs but headphones like listening to music. And we don't even go a mile, martin. And as he's joyriding and swaying, he loses control of the bike and completely falls off, going about 60 miles an hour. I'm right behind him. I immediately hit my hazard lights, we call 911, wait till the medics show up. I thought his bike was about to explode right in front of us because it caught on fire. The exhaust tubes were starting to catch on fire and I'm thinking, oh man, this might be my time as well. And I was actually listening to Ewan Jules podcast in this moment and thankfully I'm still here.
Speaker 2:This gentleman is still there, but he damn well could have died in that moment, and I thought I wonder what his relationship with death is, and how is that dictating or influencing his way of life right now? And so that's why I'm providing encouragement to people to rest and reflect in that question. If life were to end in five minutes, what would you regret? Because I see it as an invitation, as you mentioned, but it's a roadmap and it's beautiful. As we touch on the anatomy of happy, can we distinguish or create a distinction, rather, of what happiness is versus what happiness isn't? I think that's important. I've always viewed happiness not so much as an emotion anymore, but as a choice, and we can choose to be happier, we can choose to be somber, we can choose to be grateful, and there's so many different definitions of happiness that float around, and I think a lot of them are rather artificial. So I'd love to hear from your work and backed by science and a lot of research on what is it and what is it not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, that's a big question and in reality, my work has led me to believe that happiness is in the eye of the beholder to a great extent. There are, of course, the science to talk about how we can, what happiness looks like in the brain and how we feel it and how we can stimulate it. There are spiritual pros that will talk to you about how you achieve it. There are, of course, all manner of dopamine fixes available in the material world and many a life coach. I've no doubt telling you of ways to how to become happy. All of my practice and experiences led me to realize that we are all inherently happy. We were born happy and through the layer cake of conditioning familial, societal, religious, personal we then pervert our perspective, or can pervert our perspective of what happiness is, to the point where we are no longer in default happy mode. Our default mode is one of myriad other emotional states, some of which we touched on. I think so.
Speaker 1:For me, happiness is about achieving a mental state where you have that balance back. And, of course, when I say mental state, really it's actually a balance between mind, body and spirit. So it's equilibrium, and I believe that's what happiness is. It's the ability to take what life is giving you and to see it for what it is, extract the lessons, stay present, stay aware and to still enjoy your very existence. So it's not a I don't, and many people ask me this on many occasions, as you would imagine. What's happiness then? And as you've just heard, it's not a clear answer, but I'll just go on to say that what happiness isn't is possession, status, financial fulfilment, people telling you you're great, anything remotely superficial, many people say to me when I start to coach them, they say well, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm already happy and of course, I usually smile because I firstly I think well, yeah, you are, we are all already happy. But then on the flip side of that, why are we having this conversation? Then you reached out to me. So you and I both know that superficially you are happy, but actually, subconsciously, you are not happy. So we just we've got a journey to take, haven't we together? And more often than not, of course, after a certain stage in the process of coaching them, they will then say man, I remember saying to you when we first started this conversation, I was already happy, I was. It was like no, you know, no, you wouldn't. But they have to have that realisation. It's not for me to tell them, right, right.
Speaker 1:So happiness is nothing to do with possessions or other people. This is a fundamental point to take on board. If you are seeking happiness in another, you're on the wrong track. It all comes from here. It's all about the journey onwards. It's all about that cave, that that Joseph Campbell talks about, that we fear to enter but that holds the treasure.
Speaker 1:And if I may double down on the pros, as the 12th century Sufi poet and mystic, rumi once said perhaps you are, or maybe you are searching among the branches for what may only be found in the roots. So all of that to say that there is a short term happiness, which with which I think we're all familiar. We all know a route to achieve a short term dopamine fix, don't we? But that's not what I'm talking about in this book, and that's not what I'm talking about in this podcast, and that's not what I'm talking about in this lifetime. I'm saying what we need to learn is how to attain and sustain everlasting happiness and, of course, one of the crucial keys in that. Remember that conversation we had about impermanence earlier on. Well, if everything in this universe is impermanent, martin, surely happiness is also impermanent? Yes, it absolutely, 100% is. However, here's the paradox In knowing that I can still be sustainably happy.
Speaker 2:Look at that and I also believe, to your, to it going on, that happiness isn't possessions. I also believe happiness isn't a destination. How many times have you heard somebody say, when I get this thing, then I'll be happy, or it's not, then I'll be clean to myself? Yeah, it's not an if, then condition. And because what if, that if thing never arrives, what does that mean? Or maybe that if thing is now damn near impossible because of a new condition, that is, a new, very variable that's been introduced.
Speaker 2:So I love your distinction and I appreciate that, as we think about happiness, gratitude, building a relationship with impermanence and really accepting it, a lot of things you do, a lot of you practice rather a lot of different moment modalities that I believe play a part in you sustaining these strong relationships with impermanence, with sustaining a strong sense of gratitude, with sustaining happiness. Now, I know we can't dive into every modality, but if there are a few that you have found that are absolutely essential for you or that you would recommend to other people that if they're not doing it, they should be doing it, what are the key ones that stand out?
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. As we already alluded, there are many, and there are many flavors of those many. So you've got fractal opportunities. Fundamentally, I think everyone has to fully accept that if you keep doing what you do, then you're going to get, or you keep being who you are, then you're going to get what you're going to get. If that's a great looking trajectory, carry on. If you want to make some changes in your life, then it stands to reason that you've got to make some changes about how you live your life, because it's not just going to change because you want it to.
Speaker 1:So I don't wish to patronize here, but we do, I think, often have a in this day and age. We're quite lazy, we're time and attention poor. We officially have the memory span shorter than a goldfish, apparently, according to one study. So and of course, there's a hack for everything, and we want those hacks. And the brutal truth of this is there is no hack to happiness. There just isn't. You've got to do the work. So once you accept that, then of course the next question is how? What modalities? There are two really, really simple, free of charge, available at any time of the day, in any location, modalities that you can use. Moreover, I would say that we all should be using 100%. Every human being on this planet should be taught these things from birth, and they are breath and meditation.
Speaker 1:Now, when I talk about breath work, of course some people say you can't teach me how to breathe. I've been doing it my whole life. That is a fair point. I think I said something similar. Now you got to remember. Of course, I'll just remember my story. I lived for 42 years of my life believing that you couldn't change the trajectory. That I had was perfectly acceptable. Perfectly fine, it was. I was a normal person and everything was going to be great, and I was successful in business incidentally, successful as a self sabotaging alcoholic can be. Well, I had this realization and, in my 40s, adopted these modalities. So I just want to make that clear that you actually can teach an old dog new tricks, and a leopard can change its spots. The point is, you have to want to, and I started to read up on breath work and I realized, oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So what does it mean, breath work? Well, breath work is really consciously regulating your breath and using all manner of practices and techniques and there are so many to choose from to consciously breathe. So yeah, of course we breathe, and we breathe 20,000 times every day on average. But if you I mean wherever you are right now checking this podcast out, how are you breathing? Just check into it. Are you shallow breathing? Is it all up here, all up here being, you know, just the top of the lungs to the head, or is it in the belly? Are you deep breathing? Because that's the work we need to be doing, that conscious breath. So that's number one breathing, conscious breathing.
Speaker 1:Now, eckhart told us that one conscious breath is a meditation. One conscious breath in and out, so belly expands, you can even make the sigh noise. Actually, I usually do that three times when I start breath work, yeah, audibly getting out some of that energy. If you just did that three times a day, that is a meditation. Why? Well, what happened in that moment? Nothing, absolutely nothing happened. Well, for me anyway, all I had in my mind's eye was just my breath. And if you do that, all you'll have at the forefront of your mind is your breath. So suddenly you are able to switch off the monkey mind, switch off the chattering, the incessant, cacophonous racket of the on average, 6,000 daily thoughts. And if you only do that for three conscious breaths, then you're meditating.
Speaker 1:And, of course, meditation is the second superpower that I'm talking about. People often say I don't have time to meditate, or that's not really my thing, or I don't get it, or I can't do it, and that's a common complaint. I'm actually researching my next book and I think it's going to be about meditation, making meditation accessible to the masses, and so the first thing to take on board is we can all meditate. It's not the skill set of an ascended master. You don't have to be a Buddhist who's been practicing for 10 years or a yogi who just fully exudes that sort of Zen energy.
Speaker 1:Anybody and everybody can meditate, and anybody and everybody should for all the reasons that we've been discussing throughout this podcast because meditation enables you to hit the pause button on life, the story, the noise of the story, center in on yourself, slow everything down, relax the body, relax the breath and, as a result of regulating, you can do it. With the breath, you're regulating your emotions. You're also activating something called the vagus nerve. That's a whole other podcast, but ultimately that does some wonderful things to your body, including things like inflammation. So you really you're reducing tension, you're reducing stress, just by checking in. So you're giving your mind and your body An incredible gift through meditation, then I appreciate I've rattled on quite a long time.
Speaker 1:So, just to finish off, the point of meditation is not just that immediate Soothing process of mind and body. Through regularly meditating, through regularly getting yourself into that state of Higher consciousness, you are training your brain, you're retraining your brain. You're you're creating new neural pathways. You're you're changing the way you allow your mind to communicate in your face. And I'm talking about that. You know that constant monkey mind chattering that we, that we all suffer with and through that constant practice, a Neurogenesis occurs, unlearning and we. Obviously all you have to do is just start checking out neuroplasticity and neurogenesis and and do it for beginners. You know, you know it's a funny thing. You know, ryan, I, I wasn't interested in any of this stuff.
Speaker 1:I wasn't interested in in psychology, I wasn't interested in mental health, wasn't interested in physiology. My body was my body, my mind was my mind. It is what it is. I've just got to get on with life and basically go to work, eat, you know, drink, pay taxes, go to sleep, you know the whole shebang. And I and I, the realization that all of that is is absolute nonsense.
Speaker 1:It's just the story and actually this researching, this incredible biotechnology, a ka, the human body, or the, the earth roper, as I like to call it when we really start to work out how this works and how actually it doesn't all work just on its own, we can fine-tune this thing, we can improve this thing.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know, going to the gym, going for a run, we do that, don't we? We take fitness serious, more seriously, then we know that actually, if I go to the gym and if I, if I do Three sets of ten reps on my biceps for a couple of weeks, and my biceps are going to change, but we're not doing the same thing with our mind, and Meditation is the absolute golden key to to making this transformation happen. Now you can, of course, use other modalities, like psychedelics. I talk about psychedelics in the podcast. I work regularly with psychedelics, I facilitate psychedelic journeys alongside a very qualified shaman from from the Amazon and Do a lot of work in that space. And you can, you can hack some of this process, because it's already been proven with studies, with psilocybin for example, that that that these medicines have Neurogenesis properties. They are helping people Create new synaptic pathways.
Speaker 2:So you can do all of that, but ultimately you can also just do what the what the yogis and the Zen musters have been doing for thousands of years, and that is just to stop close your eyes and breathe, yeah, and I love that and the, the power that it brings, and and I appreciate you also Dispelling a myth that it means that you need to sit in this lotus lotus pose and I'll, and you know, and it's a simple I love that we even I was being intentional and conscious about those breaths as you were taking them and Even when you said there that you know what, even in that one breath, that I Can pause everything for even that one breath and Nothing else, I entered my mind in that moment and and that's real time, you know, and and I love that, I Love, I just love your way of being Martin and and what you do and hire, serve in the world.
Speaker 2:And, before we get into my rapid fire session and closing, I do want you to share, because you have so a new retreat series coming out with Jules, so Share that. Yeah, what is that? What can we expect?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thank you for for giving me the space to talk about that. Yeah, well, anyone who listens to the how-to-die happy podcast which obviously I really encourage you to do will will find my partner, jules, and I Co-host a show that we we produce here in Bali. We interview a lot of people in Bali, but I but also people internationally, but it ball is a is a Global center for healing, as many people might know. So there are some real characters and there are lots of phenomenal stories of transformation here. I actually dedicated the book to Jules because she's my mindfulness and all star, and so Jules and I. She's a yoga teacher and we started to talk about how we could bring together her Kundalini yoga and breath work and meditation sessions with philosophy discussions around the how-to-die happy book, which is quite an unusual Setting if you think about it, because usually these retreats are quite the more about checking out you know, the more about our and our. Yeah, so we are launching how-to-die happy retreats. You can find more on how-to-die-happy-retreatscom. First retreats are going to be in Portugal, bali and Peru in 2024 and and it's just exactly as I identified is that combination between Jules giving people a daily practice of yoga, breath work and and meditation. And then we we sit down in some very informal Workshop settings and we and we have challenges like the one you and I discussed.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's do an exercise. You've got five minutes left to live. Let's write down your list of regrets. That's how the retreat begins. So it's a deep dive Straight off the bat. I mean is, ultimately it's inviting pure vulnerability and 100% authenticity In a safe space where people can can really Explore who they are or who they want to be, or who they once were and forgot. And we, we take that list of regrets and we do a micro Flash through the, through the process of the anatomy of happy, so that ultimately, we're sending people out of this seven day or ten day, in the case of Peru retreat at the end with a daily practice and Some incredible new ideas and plans as to how they might change the way they live their life, so that ultimately, when death comes and knocking, that list may be much shorter or, insha Allah, absolutely nonexistent. I.
Speaker 2:Love that and I'll make sure we have that linked in the notes. Martin, how we close these episodes is with a rapid fire session, and envision that we're going three floors up a building, an elevator and it and then a new person Enters the elevator on each floor and they're only going up one and they recognize you, whether they've risked, lived, listened to how to die, happy and With the book, the podcast, this interview, whatever, and they're gonna ask you one question. So First person gets in. So it was Martin. What's one gem that you have? That, rather, what's one gem that you you have in your back pocket that, whether it be a mantra or a quote that you live your life by, that I can keep my back pocket.
Speaker 1:Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I love that next person gets on, martin, what's one step that I can take today to To build a stronger relationship with death?
Speaker 1:Right a list of death bed regrets and.
Speaker 2:Last person and oh, and embrace the present moment for all. That last person gets on and asks Martin, what's one book I can read besides yours, to enhance my mindset?
Speaker 1:oh, it's tough to pick one. Yeah, it is, I would well. I'll tell you what I'll suggest. The untethered soul by Michael singer Love, that book about meditation.
Speaker 2:Haven't had that recommendation on here yet, but I am familiar with that book, martin, how do we keep up with you? How do we keep up with you and all the Beautiful things that you and Jules are doing in this world?
Speaker 1:Thanks, oh, you can find me. You can find me on Instagram, which is Martin oh tool. You can Find the book out of that happy book comm. Obviously, it's on all of the platforms. It's in the audio version and a new book in a paperback. You can find the podcast on Instagram, which is how to die happy underscore podcast, or how to die happy podcast, calm. And, of course, now you can find our retreats brand, which is how to die happy retreats, calm, or how today happy underscore Retreats. I'm pretty sure now, if you Google how to die happy, you'll find this you've got.
Speaker 2:There's quite a few links. There's quite a few links that pop up, whether it's the book on Amazon, the website. There's, there's options and and all that's going to be linked in the notes. And, martin, again thank you for For what you're creating and putting out in this world and how you inspire people to how to embrace life and how to Make the best of it and the time that that we get to have here, because it's not permanent, but there's still a lot that we get to do and that we can choose to do To make the best out of every moment that that we have here on this beautiful planet, and it's it's people like you that are Making the world a better place and providing resources for us to to live better lives. So, folks, check out Martin and Win today. Thanks so much for tuning in.