What if your perspective on life's challenges could fundamentally shift, leading to newfound meaning and an empowered outlook? James shares his journey of self-discovery, his experience growing up in an alcoholic household and how he learned to see these events as happening for him, not to him. This episode provides a fresh perspective on life's trials, reminding us that we have the power to define our reality.
As we journey further, we engage in an enlightening discussion on personal development and lifestyle design. Discover the value of aligning your daily activities with what fulfills you, and the transformative power of language in shaping your reality. Together, we explore the concept of a happiness habit, providing practical steps on how we can cultivate greater clarity, confidence, and overall well-being in our lives. James emphasizes the importance of building a supportive community, setting boundaries, and eliminating resistance by distancing oneself from individuals who don't align with our goals.
Connect With James!
LinkedIn
IG
You Can Too Podcast
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
What if your perspective on life's challenges could fundamentally shift, leading to newfound meaning and an empowered outlook? James shares his journey of self-discovery, his experience growing up in an alcoholic household and how he learned to see these events as happening for him, not to him. This episode provides a fresh perspective on life's trials, reminding us that we have the power to define our reality.
As we journey further, we engage in an enlightening discussion on personal development and lifestyle design. Discover the value of aligning your daily activities with what fulfills you, and the transformative power of language in shaping your reality. Together, we explore the concept of a happiness habit, providing practical steps on how we can cultivate greater clarity, confidence, and overall well-being in our lives. James emphasizes the importance of building a supportive community, setting boundaries, and eliminating resistance by distancing oneself from individuals who don't align with our goals.
Connect With James!
LinkedIn
IG
You Can Too Podcast
Thank you for tuning in! If you feel led, please subscribe & share the show to others who you believe would benefit from it.
Keep in touch below!
I have been speaking about it as though your mind's kind of like chat GBT and we need to look at it as such. We ask, we give ourselves a prompt, we're going to get an answer. We give ourselves a different prompt, we're going to get a different answer. And so, as you said, we spoke about this a little bit before as we went through life thinking why is this happening to me? And you ask that question and you're going to get an answer this is happening to me because this is what I deserve. This is happening to me because this is what my life is supposed to turn out to be.
Speaker 1:Insert answer here. And there was a day and I don't remember what prompted it, to be completely honest with you where I asked how is this happening for me? And it automatically made me think 10 years down the road instead of 10 minutes down the road, because we're always so short-sighted and that really often corrupts us from being able to see all of the richness. Like we can always see what we're going to lose, but rarely do we look for what we're going to gain.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Win Today Podcast, a weekly tool intentionally crafted to help people enhance performance, feel inspired and conquer life. Our commitment is that you will learn from some of the most disciplined, heartwarming and inspiring people on the globe, in addition to receiving a piece of a winning playbook from myself or a renowned expert in their field. My name is Ryan Kass and I am your host, and it is my purpose in this world to inspire people, to establish a foundation for sustained success by developing systems that will enable you to accomplish your goals, break systemic trends of adversity and chart a desirable course for life. Thank you so much for tuning in. Please help us achieve our vision of becoming one of the top podcasts in the world by subscribing to the show, sharing it with somebody who you believe will benefit from it and leaving a review.
Speaker 2:Let's connect with our guest. Age is just a number, just as titles don't reflect leadership. Education doesn't reflect intelligence. And we've got someone here, our youngest guest on the podcast, who is 20 years old, james Bracken, who will speak into him, which he'll hear shortly. You'd never guess his age because of the wisdom that he possesses through experience and being intentional about how he presents himself to the world and being intentional about surrounding himself with incredible folks. And James is a mindset coach and the host of the you Can Too podcast, which has featured so many renowned thought leaders in this world, including Ben Hardy, and the list goes on and on and on. And, ben, it's an honor to James, it's an honor to have you on the show, man.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me, ryan. We talked a little bit before this. I'm excited to dive in and hopefully provide some value to your audience, man, thank you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Now, before we dig in what I love to understand about high performers and people like you, that we can read a lot about you. We can quickly get to know you by tuning into the you Can Too podcast, but before that, let's dig at your heart a little bit. What lights you up in this world?
Speaker 1:It's a great question to start, man. I love this. What lights me up, man, is seeing other people see something in themselves that they didn't once see. That's what comes up for me immediately is when and I'll give an example, like if I'm on a client call and we hop on the call and you know they're coming on with self-doubt or this struggle to happen this week, or whatever comes up, and I'm able to ask them a couple of questions that help them dive deeper into why that's happening, where that stemmed from and, you know, just find a way past. I just love seeing people find new awarenesses and be able to see life through a different lens that they once seen, because, as we were speaking before this, like all the stuff that we talk about now, we wish that we had it at a certain period in time and, if so, if I'm able to bring it out of someone without them even knowing it. It's just such a powerful thing, man. I love what we do. That's what I'll say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that. Isn't it the coolest thing ever? Yeah, when you see somebody else's self-discovery and it's by way of you not prescribing things like, okay, do X, y, z and read this book and this chapter, and then you will find yourself yeah, it's often and we'll get into this it's often leading them down a path of just asking the right questions that allow them to uncover what they really have within themselves, or to see things differently, or to push past that blind that they may have been putting up Like. Isn't that the coolest thing ever?
Speaker 1:It is. It is the best thing in the world when you recognize that when you change the questions you ask yourself, you're going to get different answers and your life's going to change. In the result, like genuinely and I say this time and time again I ask myself a different question and it genuinely changed the direction of my life In that subtle of a thing that I can do. Just a different question can change the way that I show up today, tomorrow, the next day and my results in the process. It's the coolest thing in the world. I still can't get past it, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm always looking for what are questions that I haven't asked myself yet. I think it's important that we've got a few that we keep in the back pocket, that you ask repeatedly, but one thing I'm always looking for is what are the questions I don't know yet. What are the questions you ask yourself, James? And maybe I could put one of those in my back pocket and, before we dive down that trail, I really want to understand the genesis of why you do what you do, because we can hear about the what and the what is really cool with a lot of these folks that are on the podcast and the people that you have on your podcast.
Speaker 2:But when you really get to know the why, that's what really intrigues me the most and you, being at a right age of 20 years old, are doing what many folks would probably scratch their heads and ask why the heck are you doing that at 20? Why don't you go enjoy life and do what everyone else is doing? And you've taken the road less traveled. What made you commit to that road less traveled?
Speaker 1:Well, why I do it and why I committed to it are two different answers, if I'm honest with you, and I can give you both. But the reason why I committed to it was I invested into a coaching program and didn't know what I was getting myself into. 17 years old, becoming a life coach sounds crazy every time I say it still doesn't make sense to me this day to this day. But I invested into a coaching program and it made me commit to myself like I'd never committed to myself before, like I just spent money that I spent more money that I would make in almost a year of my job and had to make it happen. And so that's why I committed.
Speaker 1:But why I do it is I lost a lot of family really young, as you probably know, and seeing people pass at such a young age, we go through life almost living like we're not going to die, I think. I think to some extent we unconsciously feel like life, like there isn't going to be a day when we actually go away. But I've seen it time and time again at a really young age, and so that just hit me to such an extreme extent that I had to internalize that fact, and in internalizing it. It made me live with more intention, and with living with more intention, it made me realize how much I changed my life within just a few years, even a few months, and so me wanting to help other people see the detriment of not being intentional about the life that they live, because they're going to get to the end of their life with regret. I never want anyone to get to that point, and so that's why I do what I do.
Speaker 2:How far back are we going? When you mentioned that you lost your father and uncle, I believe they were both 37 years old. Is that accurate? Yeah, so how far back are we going? How old are you and then in that moment? How are you viewing life then, as you encountered these losses?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a really good question, man. So my dad passed when I was six, so I don't really remember it truthfully by any means and my uncle he passed when I was probably 10 or 12 or so around that age and I don't really remember too much of him either, as crazy as that sounds. But what really hit me, where it really changed my perspective because I didn't really live any different when they passed I was young, I was just a kid. I didn't know what that meant, but my grandfather passed away a few months before his retirement. My grandfather passed away at about 66, I believe. He worked his entire life.
Speaker 1:This was someone that worked genuinely in their entire life to spend the weekends with his family, kind of thing, and he passed away a few months before he could even experience retirement. And so that hit me like a ton of bricks, just recognizing that someone can work their entire life and get to the point where everyone thinks that they want to get to retirement and they can't even experience it. And so that was for me, getting into this space was like I never want to go to a job that I don't feel like. It lights me up inside and I think like you're doing this where it says 530, and I have all the energy in the world because I love doing this kind of thing. We know we're impacting people, and so that's when things really shifted was when my grandfather passed, I would say.
Speaker 2:And in that moment, were you looking at life or at your grandfather's passing? Is then man Like why is this happening? You know he's a good man and he was doing the best he could for his family. And why my grandpa Like? And were you upset at the world when that happened?
Speaker 1:Truthfully, no, I think I was more in the sense of like numb, if that makes sense, because I'd seen it. You know my uncle and my father. They passed away at 37, they didn't even make it to 40. Like, of course he passes away. That was my thought of, was of course that happens, kind of thing. And so it's like, yes, life was happening to me, but not so much mad, just more so finding some kind of not even acceptance, but more so just, I guess, allowing it to happen in some way.
Speaker 1:I think when it really hit me and it really made me, the way I showed up for myself and the way that I like approached the world change, was when COVID happened realistically, because it forced me to be with myself and think about how do I feel about myself when I'm by myself? What do I really want my life to look like? How do I really want my life to turn out? So I think COVID was, I think, for many people. I mean, it had a big impact, but that's when it really the flip switched for me for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I appreciate you detailing more of it being at your grandfather's passing and then really seeing like, okay, what do? Life is not permanent. That's. The only thing that is certain about life is that it's not permanent. And how we choose to live our and knowing that how we choose to live our life and choose being the key word here is critical, because it could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be 50 years from now, who knows how long that we get to stay here? And before you know it, you know so, those years, those days, they fly by and next thing you know, James, you're gonna be 30, 40 years old. Yeah, and here we go.
Speaker 2:So I was reading Dan Sullivan's book who, not how? And, as you know, dan Sullivan does a lot of work with Ben Hardy, who you've had on the podcast, and I'll never forget this portion of the book where Dan mentioned the definition of hell and he said the definition of hell is going through life and then you pass away and if you're spiritual, religious, you go to heaven or wherever you may believe and in this case I'll use a religious example that you get to heaven and then you meet God and he says all right, ryan or James, you did all these cool things in life. You had a podcast and you interviewed some of the top thought leaders in the world. But let me introduce you to this person that you had inside of you, that had all the capability to start this global firm that helps the top leaders in the world, or something like that, and you're like, damn, like I did this, but this is what I really had inside of me, but I was too scared or I was living in fear or I was doubting my abilities.
Speaker 2:You know, that's the definition of hell, and I think that what you're doing with helping people really capitalize on life is a beautiful thing. One way that we can get there is by getting out of our own way, and part of how we get out of our own way, which we were talking about before and briefly here so far, is asking ourselves the right questions and really being very mindful of the inner dialogue that we're creating. You mentioned that one question had a huge impact on your life changing one question to another one. Talk about that and then from there we'll get into how else can we flip the script on life and what are some things that you do to monitor your inner dialogue?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love it, man, I love this. I don't think this will ever not be fascinating to me that I can ask a different question and it gives a different answer. I recently have been speaking about it as though your mind's kind of like chat GBT and we need to look at it as such. We ask, we give ourselves a prompt, we're gonna get an answer. We give ourselves a different prompt, we're gonna get a different answer. And so, as you said, we spoke about this a little bit before as we went through life's thinking why is this happening to me? And you ask that question and you're gonna get an answer this is happening to me because this is what I deserve. This is happening to me because this is what my life is supposed to turn out to be. Insert answer here.
Speaker 1:And there was a day and I don't remember what prompted it, to be completely honest with you where I asked how is this happening for me? And it automatically made me think 10 years down the road instead of 10 minutes down the road, because we're always so short-sighted and that really often corrupts us from being able to see all of the richness. Like we can always see what we're gonna lose, but rarely do we look for what we're gonna gain? And then that moment it was what am I gonna gain from this? Like, how can I actually take something from this? Like losing family.
Speaker 1:Growing up it was man. I never had to have any kind of father figure, any kind of man, in my life at all, and so that was really it's saddening, it's stunk. Growing up, thinking like man, I had no kind of relationship that I could really connect with. But then I thought, well, it allowed me to take it in perspective on life and almost see life as though it's such a finite, precious thing that we get to have. Well, let me be more intentional about the way that I wanna move through it. And so you can always look for what you're gonna lose, but you can always look for what you're gonna gain. And asking a different question like that just automatically made me think what can I gain from this? And it's not being like the blind optimism in the sense that like everything works out for me or anything in that realm, but it's like choosing. Like you said, we always have a choice choosing to look for that. And it served me well, that's for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that and to shed some more context on it, this one's definitely personal for me and I do a lot of keynote speeches, public speeches, outside of here, and one of the first things that I always lead off with is in how to win in life is when you flip the script on struggle or pain or anything like that, you'll always find a gift. And one of the stories I share is growing up now. I grew up in an alcoholic household and have shared that on the podcast in various episodes and that's why this podcast in large part exists because of those early childhood years and wanting to make sure that they're never recreated, and I would get upset at the things that were happening at home and look at other people's lives and think that they had perfect lives, not knowing what was going on the inside of their homes, and I would get mad. I'm like man, why is this happening in the house? Why my family? This has been passed down from family line to family line. Why me? Why me?
Speaker 2:And there was one particular night which I won't go into detail about here but looking back on it, james, it was basically a very vicious, chaotic night with my parents. Looking back on it. That was the greatest gift I could have ever received and one of the best days of my life, because it was in that day that, as a young kid, remember being about six, seven years old, making a promise to myself that I'm never going to carry this trend on, and all of that. What I didn't know then is that all of that was happening for me. None of it was happening to me, even though I thought so at the time. At what point in time do you reflect on that question of how is this happening for me? Is that something that you journal on daily? How did these things that maybe didn't go my way today happen for me? Or is it something that you reflect on on a longer term basis? I'm curious on the frequency.
Speaker 1:It's definitely a practice, more than like a every now and again kind of thing. I really try to do it and this isn't any question that you ask yourself to try to make it a practice. I had Connor Beaton on my show, who's an author as well, and I think a lot of us see discipline as a punishment, and the reframe is, instead of seeing it as a punishment, you want to see it as a practice. And so asking myself questions like that is like I mean there could be the subtlest thing that happens throughout my day maybe a podcast fails or I lose Wi-Fi or whatever happens. It's like how is this happening for me? Well, I can choose to see it as an opportunity, or I can choose to see it as something that's happening to me, kind of thing, and so in every instance it's like a practice of my ego. It's like this might not be happening for me in the best realm that I want to right now, but maybe it's serving my ego in the long run, kind of thing, and so I always try to really do it.
Speaker 1:I mean, something I talk a lot about is going on walks. I mean I've been pressing upon that for people for ever, since I started posting on social media because I found so much from it. I mean, when I was really really young, like that's, all I did was just walk and just find solace and being able to be with myself, and so going on long walks with no headphones is the best thing that I can prescribe to anyone. So that's what I would say when I'm on those. It's just constant reflection. I would say.
Speaker 2:I love that. And what are some other things that you do to? We'll call it optimize your dialogue, because language is the creator of all things. When we speak, we create, and language can be very constructive, as we're alluding to here. Can also be extremely destructive, because the stories we tell ourselves, the things we tell ourselves in our minds, our minds believe them, and we could even go so far as you can literally give your body disease just by your words and thoughts. If anybody hasn't read Joe Dispenza's book Becoming Supernatural, I highly recommend it because it really gets into the power of the mind and how it can lead to your greatest breakthroughs or to your greatest detriments.
Speaker 2:I often encourage people even with daily things such as a workout let's call it a workout tomorrow, or even going to work tomorrow. There's two camps and, james, I have to get up tomorrow. Or I have to get up early tomorrow and go for a run, and then I have to go to work. In your mind, like, damn it another day, I don't want to do that. Versus, hey, man, tomorrow, you know, I get to wake up at 4.30 am, go run a few miles and then I get to go to work. Or even today I got to wake up at 4.00 am, go do a speed workout, go to work and then I get to talk to you. Man, am I a little tired or damn right, but it doesn't matter. Like I get to do this, I get to be here with you. What are some other ones that you've adopted over time? And I'm sure that the one I just referenced is also one that you use as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can definitely say that I use that I like to ask. I'll use the question that I ask myself because I think that, again, I always go back to questions, whether it's through podcasts or coaching. I'm just asking questions all the time and so I need to be asking myself these questions too. One question I ask, probably more than any question, is what's the detriment of not taking action? We often look for what happens if I do take action. Let's just say you want to start a podcast, you want to do something that is going to make you uncomfortable, put yourself out in the world. What happens if I take action? What happens if I fail? We'll use it as an example. Well, I'm going to look like a fool. People are going to judge me. It's going to be embarrassing, it's going to be stressful. You can think of all of that. What's the detriment of not taking action? I will regret it. You automatically need to take the action. It's always like a long-term perspective for me.
Speaker 1:If I wake up in the morning especially, like I told you, I'm in upstate New York it's been 30 degrees this morning the last thing I wanted to do was wake up at 5.30 and go to the gym. First thing. The last thing I wanted to do my car was ice. No, did I not feel like doing that? Right, I did it, because how am I going to feel if I don't? I'm not going to feel like doing it, but how am I going to feel after I do it? A lot better than if I didn't do it at all, because I'm going to go through the rest of my day feeling like there's something missing here. I think that a lot of people go throughout their entire life thinking about that not just a workout, but maybe doing something that they don't feel in alignment with. I always like to ask what's the detriment of not taking action here? That usually brings up some fears that we have that are more suppressing.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I love that one. What's the detriment of not taking action? That's why I believe these questions and this thought, this whole thought process, is so important, because then it allows you to one be clear, to, rather to create clarity. What's the detriment of me not taking action in this moment, right now? What's the detriment of me skipping my workout today? Well, I'm going to be. I'm not going to get any closer to my marathon goal. I'm going to be upset at myself. And then when you just extract that thought and let's just say you even put it on a piece of paper and you looked at it like okay. Maybe a follow on question to that would be am I okay with the outcome? Am I okay with not moving closer to my marathon goal, or are you okay with going through an entire day knowing that you skipped the workout just because it was cold out?
Speaker 1:Absolutely not. That's exactly it.
Speaker 2:I love that, I love the see. There we go. That's another question I'm adding to my personal. What's the detriment of not taking action? I appreciate you. Yeah, Are there any other go-tos that you have in your back pocket? If you had to pull out one more?
Speaker 1:Am I doing this because I want to do it, or am I doing it because I think I'm supposed to do it?
Speaker 2:Hmm.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of us are going through life doing things that we think we're supposed to do or we should do, or we think other people want us to do, but one of the biggest regrets of the dying is that I wish I lived in alignment with myself and not what other people expected of me, and so I think in most things that I do. Well, let me take a step back. Am I doing this because I genuinely feel in alignment with doing it? Do I get energy or do I? My energy is drained from doing this, and so asking that kind of question it makes me think okay, well then, I'm actually aligning my days with things that fill me up instead of tear me down.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I love that Great questions to ask folks and these are. This is a masterclass, personal development masterclass and I think what I want people to understand is that even these questions that we're bringing up, none of them are complex in nature. None of what we're talking about is complex. And if there's one thing I wish more people knew, james, it's that just by repeatedly asking yourself simple questions like this, you can create clarity as to what you want in life, you can remove roadblocks, you can start building more confidence in yourself. There's an infinite amount of possibilities that can be created in life just by sitting down and taking time to constantly reflect and building a habit of reflection and journaling your thoughts out or going on the walk and clearing your mind. I wish that that was something more people would understood.
Speaker 2:And For you and I'll bring up this age thing one more time and that, and because I started this journey when I was 18 years old and I remember a lot of people made fun of me like what are you doing? Setting goals and Staying in on Friday nights to read books, you know, when you're 20 years old or what's? Why do you have business cards at such a young age? And I'm I'm Certain that you've probably heard Some pushback from folks your age or maybe even been made fun of quite a bit. How do you seek comfort in being uncommon? I?
Speaker 1:Know that most people aren't doing it.
Speaker 1:It's like and if, if I want to get a result that most people don't get, I have to do what most people aren't doing, and so I, when I look through that lens, it's like of course people aren't going to understand because they're not doing it, they don't have the same kind of perspective on life that I've had it, and this isn't anything.
Speaker 1:This is why I think I have really I try my best to really be Genuine in any conversation that I have, because it's like everyone has a different experience and so I can. I try to resonate, try to resonate as much as I can, based on my experiences, to understand that I don't know what that person is going through, I don't know what anyone else else has going on in their life, and so my collective of experiences has brought me down the path of doing what most people don't do, because they probably didn't go through the experiences that I went through, and so it's definitely like we spoke about this a little bit earlier like community, something I'm trying to build, because that's that's a tough thing when you're not like everyone else, it's hard to Surround yourself with people that are like you, because it's hard to find people that are like you, but I think it just reminds me that when I find people like you and find other people that are in this space, that there are other people doing it absolutely, and have you ever encountered any resistance?
Speaker 2:there's specific resistance you can remember or rather, have you had to? Rather, have you chosen to remove people from your table and I say table figuratively. I was on a podcast recently and I Was asked a similar question, you know, about People giving me a tough time back when I when I started on this journey and I responded with look, I want everybody in this world to eat, but I don't want everybody to sit at my table and there's only a limited amount of seats, and and there's been times where, you know, some people have been asked to go sit at another table and Still love and respect them. They're just not sitting at my table anymore. You know, has there been a lot of that for you?
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I love that analogy, by the way. I'm gonna I'm gonna take that one and run with it. I think, yeah, I think as soon as I stepped into this space and learned more about personal development, I started surrounding myself with people that were older than me. I think I've always been told I'm an old soul and I resonate just with people that have had more experiences in life, because I usually don't resonate with the people that are Are like that, that are not thinking in the long term. And the way that I like to think about it is I'm not gonna surround myself with people that are not moving in the direction that I want to go in. Because if I think of I and I think of this and maybe this is just the way that I think about life, but if I can hang around someone right now and I think, okay, where are they gonna be in five years from now? Like, where would I guess that they're gonna be? Do I want to be anywhere near there? Probably not, so I need to go. I need to go in a different direction.
Speaker 1:It's like it doesn't matter what people's results are right now. Think about the direction that they're going and if they're not, they're going in the same direction as you, or at least in a similar direction. You probably don't want to spend too much time around them. It may not mean that you have to completely isolate yourself from them, but just don't spend as much time around them. It's kind of like you wouldn't get Advice for someone that isn't doing what you want to do. But a lot of us take advice from people that are not doing what we want to do, and so why would you surround yourself with people that are not doing Some kind of similar aspect of what you want to do, or at least have a similar mindset? That's. That's the kind of way I think about it.
Speaker 2:Hmm, I like that where, let's say, meet someone, come across someone and then looking at, okay, well, where is this person gonna be in five years? And does that align with, say, the direction I want to be in five years? And I've never thought about it like that. So I like that we're throwing some things at each other that we can put in the back pockets and I think that's that's a great way to look at it, because sometimes we get so caught up in the moment and a lot of people can be attractive in a given moment or day or month, but that may mask the looking at the direction they're going in. I love that. Now, when we think about your future trajectory and looking ahead, you know what does that look like for you and really what does lifestyle design mean to you? And if we're looking ahead, where would we see you in five years?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a question that I've been asked a few times, and I love the lifestyle design aspect of it because I think I resonate more with that than I do. What goals do you want to achieve? Where do you want to be man? Because, like, I don't know where I'm going to be in five years. I couldn't tell you where I'm going to be in one year. If I looked back three years from now, I couldn't tell you. I'd be right here. Like there's no chance that I could tell you where I'm at that. I'd be where I'm at right now, and so I try not to get too attached to goals.
Speaker 1:I kind of see them like guidelines. It's kind of like again, it's like I want to look in the what direction I want to be in. If I'm moving in that direction, I'm living large, I'm doing the best that I can because I'm showing up every day to move towards where I'd like to be. There's a lifestyle that I like to be. I like the ideology that I'm able to do what I want when I want with who I want. For the most part, there's always going to be things that you don't feel like doing. There's always going to be tasks that you have to take care of. There's always going to be an email or a bunch of emails that you have to respond to and all the things that you don't really feel like doing. But for the most part, I want the option, I want the choice, I want to be able to choose what I do.
Speaker 1:I think I had Joshua Milburn one of the main guys of the minimalist, if you know who that is and on my show and he said instead of thinking of goals, he thinks what am I on Wednesday to look like? And we were recording on that Wednesday, and so it's like that's the way that I want to think about it. It's like not so much of what do I want the extravagant lifestyle to be, but what do I want to be doing on a Wednesday evening or a Wednesday morning or a Saturday? And so that's the kind of way that I like to see things of it. Am I moving in that direction?
Speaker 2:I like that, yeah, and this whole concept of lifestyle design started becoming kind of obsessed with now. I love goals, but really goals at the end of the day are just a desired outcome, and what enables you to accomplish your goal is having a system in place. And when I think about lifestyle design, it's all about systems, and I'm a huge fan of your work. One item that I'd like to hit on a little bit is a habit that you've decided to focus on as you've entered your second decade now, and James recently released an awesome podcast episode about three habits he's focusing on building in his twenties, now that he's entered that decade. And the second one that you mentioned is a happiness habit, and talk through what that is and then also dispel the myth of happiness being this thing that we have, because I also look at happiness as a choice, and how a lot of people talk about happiness is a little flawed in my view. I'm with you on how you look at it, so share those two things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll say where it came from. What prompted it to begin with was a book that I recommend to everyone, and it's a book that before I even book our first clients that I work with, before they even book their first call, they have to get the book. They'll start reading it in some sort or listening to it, whatever, and it's psychosybernetics, and I recommend it to everyone. One of my first mentors recommended it to me and it has had a massive impact on my life. The reason I bring that up is a lot of people see happiness as though it's a state, but I think the way that I like to see is, rather than seeing it as a state, it's a skill, because if we see it as a state, then we're going to always try to get to what's going to make me happy. What's that next thing that I can buy? What's that next experience that I can have that is going to bring that state to me? But what if it's a skill that you have a little bit more control over than you think and we don't really think in that lens and so we can't acquire it? But when we see it through a different lens, well then we're able to acquire it a lot more I had and this just comes up for me is I had a author on my podcast and I don't Derek Sivers couldn't tell you why I was blanking and there's a perspective that he's taken and I really loved this perspective and I might just take it and run with it as well before he comes out with his book.
Speaker 1:About it Is that we have to take on beliefs that are useful for us, even if they're not true. And so, like seeing happiness as a skill may not be true, maybe happiness isn't a skill, maybe it's a state, maybe it is 1,000% of state, but me taking on the belief that it's a skill automatically allows me to acquire it more, because I'm going to be working on it all the time. What are the things that make me the happiest? Doing the things that I said I would do and so thinking of that in every aspect of life.
Speaker 1:Like a lot of people think they're introverted, they're not confident people. I thought I wasn't a confident person growing up. That didn't serve me. So let me take on the belief that I'm a confident person and I'm going to start doing things that a confident person would do, like I'm going to start a podcast, I'm going to start coaching people, which makes no sense. It made no sense to me when I first started because that's not the person that I am. But as soon as you start to identify with that kind of version of yourself, your life's going to change. And I know that we talked about happiness, but that's just the kind of wanted people to get the back end of the mindset behind why that is that way.
Speaker 2:No, I love that and reference the book again Psycho-Kinetics, psycho-cybernetics, psycho-cybernetics Okay, I have heard of that one before. I have not read that one yet, but what I heard you say there and this rings true is that we can rewire our brains to believe a certain way, to think in a certain manner, and in your case, that in getting it to believe that happiness is a skill that you can work on. That's brilliant, I see, and I also. What I see that eliminating is this is certain. I call it the when I, then I mentality, when I get whatever, then I will be happy, no, or when I do this, then I will feel this way. Yep, like I see it.
Speaker 2:I love how you mention it as a skill. I also look at it as a choice too. Absolutely, I almost see it as something that you can choose to put on in the morning. You know, I can wake up today, wake up tomorrow, and I can look at the news and choose to be somber or, you know, consume something positive and and, just in general, just choose to be. Hey, I'm gonna go choose to bring joy to somebody today and smile and just choose this state of being that hopefully inspires at least one person and keep getting really freaking good at that. So I guess, as I say, that I do also am jumping on the camp of it is it is a skill, it is a skill and it is a choice and I love that. So I'm going to put that book in the in the show notes for folks.
Speaker 2:That's. That's phenomenal. And going into one that you just mentioned, confidence building, confidence building belief in yourself that's something that, by the way you said it, it makes me believe that at one point in time you struggled with it, maybe when you were first committing to this journey. So what was that gap between being an unconfident person to confident and the actions that filled that gap? To this person that I'm looking at and people are listening to right now is, wow, this James guy. He's as confident as can be, he's got a plan, he is putting amazing work out into the world, because that's what I see in here from you. So how do we close that gap in our lives?
Speaker 1:Stop seeing it as a gap. To close, a lot of us see confidence as like the 2.0 version of myself. That next level of myself is going to look like I have to acquire this skill, I have to acquire this skill, I have to do this thing, I have to overcome this hurdle, etc. Etc. Etc.
Speaker 1:The mindset that helped me really shift from unconfident to confident was recognizing that it wasn't something that I had to acquire, but it was more that I had to let go of, like we're always trying to take on more, but what are the things that you're holding on to that are holding you down? What are the beliefs about yourself that you're holding on, about the world, about yourself, about how things are supposed to work out for you? That is not serving you, because we're always trying to add, we're always just trying to take in more Listen to the next book, watch the next podcast. We're always just trying to take in more, thinking that the next thing is going to solve our problem. But it's like if it was the last 25 episodes you listened to to solve that problem. What's the question you need to ask yourself that's actually going to bring up the reason you're not. And so, rather than seeing it as a gap to fill, see it as layers of yourself you have to shed.
Speaker 2:That's the perspective and that man, james, you are killing this, my friend and you're. I'm stoked for you and where you're going, and I'm so excited to stay on board with everything, everything you're doing, and wish that more people could rather more people, choose to adopt your way of thinking and, ultimately, your way of being, because what I experience of you is somebody who is just extremely intentional about themselves and in every which way, not just in this one particular area, but all across the board, man, and I love it. And what I want to know is you know, if there's one thing that you wish more people could understand to live their best version of their lives, what would it be?
Speaker 1:That your idea of yourself is not yourself, that your idea of the world is not the world, that the way that you view things is not how things actually are.
Speaker 1:I think I wish if people could just understand that, if they were able to let go of the way that they view things, the beliefs that they have about themselves.
Speaker 1:It's just, it's so much like letting go more than it is taking on, whether it's letting go of the attachment that we have to a goal, or letting go of the belief that I'm unconfident, or letting go of the need or desire to have something more. Whatever, that comes down to just allow yourself to look at life through a different lens, by understanding that the way that you're seeing it isn't the way that it has to be. It's like we said it earlier. It's like when we see life, like life is happening to us, that is our reality. There is no alternative reality. But as soon as you let go of that, well, there's another reality. If you turn your head a little bit, there's another reality right over there as soon as you let go of the one you're currently experiencing. I wish that in every aspect of life, if people could just take in that, a lot of people's lives would change.
Speaker 2:I would say yeah, it's a process of becoming and focus on being, rather than all these other external stimuli. Makes me think of your most recent episode you released with Coot Blackson. I had him on the show as well, and Coot talks about his work really being that he doesn't coach people, he uncoaches people, because it's our thought patterns, it's the questions where it's our internal dialogue that messes us up. And, to your point, I love what you said about we're always thinking about adding, adding, adding.
Speaker 2:I need to do more, more, more in order to be able to call myself this ambitious person, because ambitious people must do a million things. It's like no man less actually equals more in this life and less of the right things that you've reflected on as the right things. These are the things that are important to me, or this is where I'm going to grow and this is where I'm going to be intentional. That's where you get to experience life and it's in its fullest form, man. So, james, we always wrap up with a rapid fire session Before we do that. I want people to be able to keep up with you and all the amazing things that you're doing in the world. How do we do that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, James Brack and I V on all platforms. I'll be there. And then, of course, the UK and two podcasts on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, wherever you find your podcast. Those are two places I'll be.
Speaker 2:Check out the podcast folks very high quality. And also what I love about your podcast, james, is that it's besides that it's quickly grown over time and you've had some very notable guests. James started this podcast in his car In his car without any of the fancy equipment, and he's got a pretty cool backdrop behind him now, but I know that he wants to eventually get to in-person recordings. That was something he shared on a recent podcast when he was talking about gap and gain, but he embraces the gain that he has made from going to the car to where he is now. He's got a cool you can too neon light right behind him and I know that the next step is going to be him sitting side by side with somebody almost having a rich role-esque podcast where you've got the cool studio. But it just goes to show that just get started. And just by getting started and really going back to one of the questions we asked earlier, reflecting on that, what's the detriment of not taking action here? What's the detriment of not starting your podcast or whatever? It is the big thing that you listening may want to do? Small action, and I love your journey, man. I love your journey Now, rapid fire.
Speaker 2:I call this one gem one step, one book. And we're in an elevator. We're going up three floors. One person gets on each floor and they're only going up one and they ask you questions. The only amount of time you have to answer the question is how much it takes to go up one elevator floor. With that, if someone gets in, they recognize you. They've listened to the podcast, james. What's one step that I can take today to begin living life to its fullest potential? Keep a promise to yourself, love it. Next person gets on. What's one gem that you have in your back pocket, whether it be a mantra or a quote that I can put in my back pocket to live a better life? You can too. Amen, james. What's one book that I can read to enhance my mindset?
Speaker 1:Soon. Break in the habit of being yourself who's that? By Joe Dispenza you recommended becoming supernatural earlier. I haven't read that one. But break in the habit of being yourself changed. I can't say it changed my life, because I've read so many books that I've had a big impact, but that one made me look at the world differently.
Speaker 2:I've not read that one yet either. I'll add that to the list, james. Thank you so much for who you are, what you're doing in the world, the great things that you're putting out there, super excited for your journey. Folks Check out, james and start being intentional about the questions that you're asking yourself, and that is what's going to allow you to win today. Thanks so much for tuning in.